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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

Trending via Threads:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Spotted on Reddit:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Spotted on Facebook:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Trending via Instagram:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Going viral on Discord:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Funny new plan quotes

Funny new plan quotes are perfect for those moments when life throws curveballs 🎢 and your brilliant ideas need a little twist 🤪. Whether you’re starting fresh or just winging it, these witty sayings add a splash of humor to your next big move 💡✨. Ready to laugh at the chaos and embrace the unexpected? Let’s dive into some clever lines that make planning way more fun! 😂🔥

New funny new plan quotes 👇

All funny new plan quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

44 shares on X this month:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

21 shares on TikTok this month:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

50 shares on Discord this month:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Cancel culture has been canceled.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Just landed via Threads:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Going bananas on Slack:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Making waves on Telegram:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

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