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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,352

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Spotted on Slack:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Spotted on Slack:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Live now on Twitch:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Breaking via Slack:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Just shared via Messenger:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Going viral on Reddit:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Making waves on Telegram:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Funny playful comparison quotes

Funny playful comparison quotes bring a splash of humor and wit to everyday moments 🌟😄 They cleverly spotlight life’s quirks by comparing the unexpected—think laughter, lightheartedness, and a dash of sarcasm all rolled into one 🎉✨ Perfect for sharing, giggling, and brightening your feed with relatable fun! Ready to see the world through a funnier lens? Let’s dive in and enjoy these clever twists! 🎈😂

New funny playful comparison quotes 👇

All funny playful comparison quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on X this month:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

38 shares on Threads this month:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

92 shares on Discord this month:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

76 shares on X this month:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Making waves on Telegram:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Shared recently on Discord:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

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