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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,681

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Just landed via TikTok:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Funny shrink-ray quotes

New funny shrink-ray quotes 👇

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

1 month ago

80s, divorce, documentary, family, film, humor, i, kid, kids, literally, pretty, retro, saw, shrink, shrink-ray, sure, technology, wife

All funny shrink-ray quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Discord this month:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

25 shares on Slack this month:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

74 shares on X this month:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

63 shares on X this month:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Just shared via Facebook:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Breaking via Facebook:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Trending via Instagram:

Every time I use a Windows computer, it’s like they built malware into the OS. Like, what do you mean there are ads in the start menu?

Spotted on Messenger:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Going bananas on Discord:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny shrink-ray quotes

New funny shrink-ray quotes 👇

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

All funny shrink-ray quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨