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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

“It’s all in your head.” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

Updated

18 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Trending via Slack:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Just shared via X:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Making waves on WeChat:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Trending via Reddit:

The void screams into me.

Going viral on Instagram:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Shared recently on Threads:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

Updated

18 minutes ago

Users Online

3,426

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on WeChat:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Just shared via WeChat:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Reported on Discord:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Just shared via Snapchat:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Just shared via Threads:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Trending via Slack:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Spotted on Pinterest:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Just landed via Telegram:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

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