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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

Updated

23 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Making waves on Telegram:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Spotted on Telegram:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Breaking via Threads:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Live now on Reddit:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Breaking via Snapchat:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

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Funny ulcer quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

Updated

23 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Just shared via Telegram:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Live now on Telegram:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Reported on TikTok:

Love is in the air, but so is the flu. Wash your hands!

Trending via Pinterest:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Reported on Facebook:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Seen just now on X:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

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