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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,516

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Going viral on TikTok:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Spotted on Messenger:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

Broadcasted on Discord:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Breaking via YouTube:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Making waves on TikTok:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Funny whodunit quotes

New funny whodunit quotes 👇

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

6 days ago

aspiration, crime, day, detective, humor, murder, mystery, solve, train, whodunit

All funny whodunit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Instagram this month:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Meow means woof in cat.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

95 shares on Discord this month:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

30 shares on Threads this month:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Going bananas on TikTok:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Going viral on Reddit:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Spotted on Instagram:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Trending via Snapchat:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Making waves on TikTok:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Spotted on YouTube:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Just shared via TikTok:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I miss you (the money I spent).

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Funny whodunit quotes

New funny whodunit quotes 👇

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

All funny whodunit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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