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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Just shared via TikTok:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Just landed via Threads:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Going viral on WeChat:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Trending via Facebook:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Trending via LinkedIn:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Funny world domination quotes

Funny world domination quotes bring a hilarious twist to taking over the globe 🌍😈! Perfect for anyone plotting world peace or just a little mischief, these witty lines turn serious ambitions into laugh-out-loud moments 😂👑. Whether you’re dreaming big or just need a chuckle, get ready to conquer with a smile and some clever humor! 😜🔥

New funny world domination quotes 👇

All funny world domination quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Telegram this month:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

75 shares on X this month:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

53 shares on Slack this month:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

100 shares on Telegram this month:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

85 shares on X this month:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It was all revealed to me in a delusion.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,694

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Just shared via Discord:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

Just landed via WeChat:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Spotted on Discord:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Just landed via TikTok:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

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