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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Just landed via Slack:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Just landed via X:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Trending via Pinterest:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Going viral on Twitch:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Spotted on Facebook:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Going viral on Facebook:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Funny worst decision quotes

New funny worst decision quotes 👇

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

0

1 month ago

anyone, decision, decisions, ever, every, humor, i, management, morning, procrastination, self-deprecation, time, time management, wake, wake up, worst, worst decision

Someone from 🇸🇧 has recently bookmarked this quote.

35 shares on Twitch this month.
All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

0

2 months ago

decision, decisions, humor, i, overthinking, self-deprecating, still, worst, worst decision

Someone from 🇦🇴 has recently bookmarked this quote.

28 shares on Telegram this month.

All funny worst decision quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on TikTok this month:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

11 shares on Slack this month:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

22 shares on X this month:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Never trust a wet fart.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

56 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Trending via Instagram:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Just shared via Twitch:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Shared recently on Threads:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Live now on YouTube:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Seen just now on YouTube:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny worst decision quotes

New funny worst decision quotes 👇

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

All funny worst decision quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨