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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,880

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Just landed via X:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Spotted on Reddit:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Just shared via Discord:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Spotted on YouTube:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Spotted on Reddit:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

25 Funny Messages for When You’re Cooking Dinner

Cooking dinner is an art, but sometimes it can feel more like a comedy show than a Michelin-star restaurant! 🍳🤣 Whether you’re a seasoned chef or just learning the ropes, everyone needs a little humor in the kitchen. From culinary catastrophes to the joys of trying out new recipes, here are 25 funny messages to keep you laughing while you cook. 👨‍🍳😄

1. Trying this new recipe: hope it doesn’t turn into an ongoing experiment. 🧪🤞
2. Wanted to make something quick for dinner. Made a mess instead. 💥👩‍🍳
3. Dinner’s ready when the smoke alarm goes off! 🔥🚨
4. I like to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food! 🍷😜
5. My cooking is fabulous even when the smoke alarm begs to differ. 🚨👩‍🍳
6. Simmer down, it’ll be done eventually! 🍲🐢
7. Dinner is coming! It’s fashionably late, though. ⏰😅
8. My cooking motto: If it stinks, it’s done! 🍳🙈
9. Adding ‘simmer for 20 minutes’ means I can finally catch up on my shows. 📺🍜
10. Cooking is therapy after a long day of eating takeout. 🍣💆‍♂️
11. Slightly charred adds character, right? 🔥😏
12. Who needs measurements when you’ve got instincts? 📏❌
13. Cooked with both skill and desperation. 🍲😬
14. Warning: this meal may taste better than it looks. 😋👀
15. Stirring vigorously to distract from life’s drama. 🍲😅
16. Proof that I made dinner tonight is in my ingredient-stained clothes. 👨‍🍳👕
17. Crispy or burnt? You decide. 😅🔥
18. This recipe called for creativity, so I winged it. 🐔✨
19. Who needs to bake at 350°F when 400°F is faster… learning this the hard way. 🔥😅
20. Dinner’s ready… if you’re into surprise endings! 🎭🍽️
21. My secret ingredient is always caffeine! ☕😎
22. Cooking like a chef today; everything is getting flambéed! 🔥👨‍🍳
23. Forgot to time the pasta—guess we’ll enjoy al-dente…ish. 🍝⏰
24. Turning up the flavor and the smoke alarm simultaneously. 🚨🔥
25. Last night’s leftovers inspired tonight’s creative chaos! 🍛🎨

No matter how your dinner turns out, remember: cooking isn’t just about the food—it’s also about the joy and laughter shared along the way. So keep experimenting, keep laughing, and keep those smoke alarms handy! 🍽️🤣 Bon appétit! 🥂

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,011

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Trending via Instagram:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Spotted on Facebook:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Seen just now on Threads:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Breaking via Threads:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Going bananas on X:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Going viral on YouTube:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

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