New funny dating quotes

• Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

• Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

• Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

• I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

• If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

• What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

• Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

• Don’t study, get slutty!

• The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

• There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Top funny dating quotes

• What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

• Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

• I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

• Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

• I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

• Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

• Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

• I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

• Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

• Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Popular funny dating quotes

• Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

• The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

• Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

• Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

• When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

• “Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

• Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

• Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

• Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

• Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

More funny dating quotes

• Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

• I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

• If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

• You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

• Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

• She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

• They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

• Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

• If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

• Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Witty dating quotes

• My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

• (at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

• Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

• The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

• When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

• I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

• Stop dating if you have no car.

• Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

• You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

• Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Funny dating quotes remind us that while finding love can be serious business 💞, it’s also full of comedy gold 🎭. From awkward silences 😬 to disastrous pickup lines 🗣️, every dating experience adds to the collection of stories we laugh about later 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s been ghosted 👻, mismatched 💔, or just had a hilariously bad date 🙃. So keep swiping, stay hopeful, and always find the humor in the wild world of dating 🤣!