New funny expectation quotes

• Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

• Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

• Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

• It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

• I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

• Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

• One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

• I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

• I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

• Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Top funny expectation quotes

• Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

• I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

• Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

• Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

• All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

• If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

• When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

• When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

• By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

• Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Popular funny expectation quotes

• My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

• I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

• If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

• Elect a clown, expect a circus.

• The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

• Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

• Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

• If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

• I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

• It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

More funny expectation quotes

• No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

• Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

• The reward for doing really good work is more work.

• How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

• Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

• Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

• Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

• You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

• My last straw is way longer than I thought.

• Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Witty expectation quotes

• A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

• One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

• When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

• TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

• My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

• Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

• Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

• When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

• You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

• Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Funny expectation quotes remind us that while expectations are full of hope 🎯, reality has a wicked sense of humor 🤣. Whether it’s cooking fails 🍳, vacation letdowns 🌧️, or big plans that instantly fall apart 🗓️, the gap between expectation and reality keeps life entertaining. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever thought, “This is not how I pictured it” 🙃. So lower your expectations (just a bit), laugh at the outcome, and enjoy the comedy that comes with every unexpected twist 🤪!