New funny hate quotes

• Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

• I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

• I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

• I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

• I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

• I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

• I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

• I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

• I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

• I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Top funny hate quotes

• I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

• Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

• I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

• I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

• “I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate.

• I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

• I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

• Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

• I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

• I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Popular funny hate quotes

• I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

• I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

• Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

• I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

• I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

• I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

• Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

• I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

More funny hate quotes

• There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

• I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

• I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

• I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

• I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

• When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

• I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

• I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Witty hate quotes

• I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

• People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

• I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

• I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

• I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

• Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

• Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

• I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

• One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Funny hate quotes remind us that while hating stuff isn’t exactly healthy 🧠, it can definitely be funny 😂. Whether it’s hating mornings 🌅, Mondays 🗓️, or that one song stuck in your head 🎶, these moments of irrational dislike turn into comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows they can be just a little overdramatic sometimes 🙃. So embrace your petty dislikes, laugh at your overreactions, and enjoy the humor in harmless hate 🤪!