New funny man quotes

• A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

• Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

• Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

• Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

• I love men with a provider fetish.

• “I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

• Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

• Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

• I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

• As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Top funny man quotes

• Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

• Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

• The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

• The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

• Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

• ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

• This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

• I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

• There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

• Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Popular funny man quotes

• I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

• If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

• Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

• It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

• I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

• When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

• Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

• Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

• I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

• Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

More funny man quotes

• Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

• The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

• So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

• Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

• The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

• Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

• “What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

• The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

• A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Witty man quotes

• Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

• I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

• Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

• A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

• Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

• Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

• “What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

• You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

• Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Funny man quotes remind us that men have a special way of turning simple things into epic (and often unnecessary) adventures 🤣. Whether it’s refusing to ask for directions 🗺️, inventing “creative” solutions to problems 🔨, or confidently pretending they’ve got it all under control 🙃, the comedy never stops. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that men’s logic is its own form of entertainment 🤪. So embrace the quirks, enjoy the laughter, and celebrate the funny side of being (or knowing) a man 😂!