50+ Funny Man Quotes That Prove Guys Have Their Own Brand Of Comedy

New funny man quotes

• Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

• The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

• Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

• “What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

• The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

• A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

• Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

• I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Top funny man quotes

• Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

• A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

• Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

• Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

• “What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

• You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

• Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

• Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

• Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

• Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Popular funny man quotes

• Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

• Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

• If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

• They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

• If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

• I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

• Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

• Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

• I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

• A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

More funny man quotes

• The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

• The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

• When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

• Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

• Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

• Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

• Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

• I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

• When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

• Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Witty man quotes

• You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

• Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

• I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

• Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

• Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

• The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

• When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

• Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

• I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

• All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Funny man quotes remind us that men have a special way of turning simple things into epic (and often unnecessary) adventures 🤣. Whether it’s refusing to ask for directions 🗺️, inventing “creative” solutions to problems 🔨, or confidently pretending they’ve got it all under control 🙃, the comedy never stops. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that men’s logic is its own form of entertainment 🤪. So embrace the quirks, enjoy the laughter, and celebrate the funny side of being (or knowing) a man 😂!