50+ Funny Something Quotes That Prove We’re Always Up To Something Ridiculous

New funny something quotes

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  Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

  Commentary:
  Treat yo'self to some pre-birthday presents—better start a year early! 🎈🎉🛍️

• 
  No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like Mercury is practicing its breakdancing moves again! 🪐💃😅

• 
  Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

  Commentary:
  When you don't know what to do with your hands in photos, join a gang, or just hold a taco! 🌮🤘😎

• 
  A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

  Commentary:
  When she says her favorite hobby is collecting red flags 🚩🚩, you know it’s time to make a U-turn 😂💨

• 
  I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

  Commentary:
  "Totally saving money... unless we're spending it on epic weekend adventures! 🌞💸😂"

• 
  Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

  Commentary:
  When your brain has its own suspense thriller 📚🔍😅

• 
  Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

  Commentary:
  When you try to put on your comfy PJs, but end up wearing existential dread instead 😂🛋️🌀

• 
  Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like he's on a purse quest—treasure chest and all! 👜😂🏴‍☠️

• 
  The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

  Commentary:
  When your dog is the ultimate hype buddy and thinks every day is a surprise birthday party! 🎉🐶🎈

• 
  A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

  Commentary:
  Just when I thought I was the only one with a season pass to Crazyland, it turns out it's a full house! 🤪🎢

Top funny something quotes

• 
  Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

  Commentary:
  Trying to cheat before AI was like building your own spaceship just to skip a traffic jam 🚀🛠️—you ended up becoming a rocket scientist anyway! 🤓✨

• 
  I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

  Commentary:
  Your tweet didn't move, so I called tech support, and they just laughed. 🤷‍♂️🦥🐦

• 
  They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

  Commentary:
  I'm all in for a T-rex taco or a saber-tooth sausage! 🦖🌮😂

• 
  Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

  Commentary:
  Channeling my inner emotional superstar while staying in my lane, where are the Oscars for road performances? 🎭🚗😂

• 
  You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

  Commentary:
  This is why I charge my friends a cover fee just to enter my living room 😂🎤💸

• 
  Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

  Commentary:
  Trying to decide between a nap and coffee... daily dilemma 😂☕😴

• 
  Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

  Commentary:
  When your brain hits you with the classic "Remember what you forgot" with zero further details, it's like getting a suspense thriller with no ending 😂🧠🤔

• 
  Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

  Commentary:
  "Brb, just hopping dimensions for a 'comfiest outfit' competition! 🌌👽✨"

• 
  My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

  Commentary:
  So, I’ll have the water with a side of air, please! 💧💨😅

• 
  The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

  Commentary:
  Looks like my plants and I are mutually ghosting each other 🌱👻😂

Popular funny something quotes

• 
  Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

  Commentary:
  "Becoming my parents, one confused button press at a time 🤔🔄📱"

• 
  I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

  Commentary:
  Yacht-wrecking therapy: when retail therapy just doesn't cut it! 🚤💥🤣

• 
  I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like a family tradition worth inheriting! 😂🤪 #KeepingItWeird

• 
  People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

  Commentary:
  Why ski when you can barely afford to slide into the weekend? ⛷️😅🛷

• 
  I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

  Commentary:
  Haha, second round of arguing: now with director's commentary and bonus content! 🎬🗣️😂

• 
  I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

  Commentary:
  Sticking to my usual burger while I conquer the world, one bite at a time! 🍔😅💪

• 
  A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

  Commentary:
  Leveling up my day with the cheat code of a good snack! 🍕😄 Who knew pepperoni was the key to responsible adulthood? 🎮

• 
  Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

  Commentary:
  "Adulting in 3 words: Permanent Chaotic Circus 🤹‍♂️🎪 Just when you think you've got it all figured out, here comes yet another plot twist to keep you on your toes! Embrace the chaos, embrace the unexpected - that's just the thrilling rollercoaster ride of being a responsible grown-up!"

• 
  When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

  Commentary:
  Ah, the timeless parent trickery of the "in a minute" promise - code for "let's hope they get distracted and I can avoid this task altogether!" 🕒🧒🏼👧🏻 Parenting 101: When in doubt, distract and evade! 😉🤷🏻‍♂️ #ParentingStruggles #MasterOfDistraction

• 
  Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the irony of patience! 🚗💨 Admiring it from behind, but definitely not when you're stuck behind a slow driver. Let's hope they hit the gas pedal soon...⏳🚦😅"

More funny something quotes

• 
  I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

  Commentary:
  When the quest for the perfect show is more important than your growling stomach... 🤔🍔📺 Better bring out the popcorn and start the search for your culinary and entertainment match made in heaven! Who needs food when you've got the drama unfolding on screen? 🍿😂 #FirstWorldPriorities

• 
  Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

  Commentary:
  🌹🔵🌻 When it comes to love and flowers, sometimes you need to weed out the surprises! 🪴😄 Who knew gardening could be so sassy and informative at the same time? 💁‍♂️ #FlowerFacts #NotYourAverageRomance

• 
  Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the classic tale of internal organ rebellion! 🤣 It's like your body's playing a game of charades, but with a painful twist! 🤕 Don't worry, it's probably just your organs throwing a little party in there without inviting you. 🎉 Just remind them who's the boss with some self-care and a good laugh! 😅

• 
  My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle between the brain and the body - a classic tale of conflict! 🧠🤷‍♂️ Listen to your body, it's got more experience in this whole 'being a responsible adult' thing. Your brain can dream up the wild ideas, but your body knows what's best for a chill day. 🤣 #BrainVsBody"

• 
  Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

  Commentary:
  "Who needs insults when you can sprinkle a little sweetness on top of pure sarcasm? 🍬😏 It's like giving a backhanded compliment wrapped in a warm hug. 😜😇 Let's keep 'em guessing with our perfectly blended sincerity and sarcasm - the ultimate playful combo! 🤭💁‍♂️"

• 
  Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

  Commentary:
  "Perhaps mosquitoes are just sticklers for summer fashion, insisting on that Capri Sun aesthetic 🍹🦟 While it may sound like a comedic legal requirement, I think they just have a penchant for personal 'touch' when it comes to snacking 😂 #FashionableMosquito"

• 
  I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

  Commentary:
  "Life's just not complete until you find someone who stares at you like Doc stares at a flux capacitor. ⚡️🤯 #RelationshipGoals #BackToTheFuture"

• 
  I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the remote control just became the most important utensil at this table! 📺🍴 Who needs to taste food when you can feast your eyes on some quality entertainment, right? Bon appétit and good luck with your TV menu selection! 😄"

• 
  The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the eternal struggle between our inner genius and inner chaos! 🧠🌪️ It's like a dramatic tango between sensible decisions and spontaneous whims. 🕺💥 Will they ever find a harmonious balance, or are we doomed to forever grapple with our own comedic turmoil? Only time (and a solid dose of self-awareness) will tell! 😉🤹‍♂️

• 
  Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the bittersweet truth of toothache and heartache! 🦷💔 Who knew that indulging in something sweet could lead to such different types of pain? It seems like both our teeth and our hearts have a sweet tooth! 🍬😅"

Witty something quotes

• 
  Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

  Commentary:
  "When Grandma polices elbows like a TSA agent but skips 'unpacking' her opinions at customs 😂🛂"

• 
  I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs comedy when you have the suspense of shopping for toothpaste? 😱 Don't let those sneaky minty flavors trick you - choose wisely or face the consequences! 😬 #ToothpasteTerror"

• 
  I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

  Commentary:
  "Violin lessons? Sounds like a pretty risky business with all those strings attached! 🎻 How about considering an instrument that is more 'stringless' and carefree? I hear the air guitar is quite popular these days! 🎸😄"

• 
  If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, if your words aren't sweet, at least make them a treat! 🍭😆 Be the kind of funny that tickles hearts instead of toes!"

• 
  My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your husband quickly learned that being the scapegoat is just another "handy" skill in marriage! 🤭👐 #BlameGameChampion

• 
  Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

  Commentary:
  Non-parents be like: "I would simply use my Jedi mind tricks and defeat the toddler in battle of wills. Easy peasy, right? 💪🧒🚫" Oh, if only parenting were as straightforward as it seems in theory! 😅 #ParentingStruggles

• 
  That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the classic 'Will I ever escape this piece of clothing?' dilemma - the struggle is real, my friend! 🙈 Always remember, fashion may be tricky to put on, but getting out of it is a whole different story! 💃😄"

• 
  I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic bedtime party trick: knocking over a glass of water in the dark! 🌙💦 Who needs an alarm clock when you have the sound of spillage to wake you up?! 🚨😅 One way to stay hydrated and entertained all night long! 🌌🛏️ #BedsideClumsiness"

• 
  Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

  Commentary:
  Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer 💃🕺 Sounds like this Roomba needs to upgrade its moves from cleaning floors to tearing up the dance floor! 💫

• 
  Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the rare talent of impressing oneself with embarrassing moments - a true mastery of self-surprise 😳👏 Who knew embarrassment could be so impressive? Keep setting the bar high, even if it's with blush-inducing remarks! 🤣"