Commentary:
Performing the "I saw nothing" ninja move: the true art of making awkward disappear! 🥷😅
255 Funny something quotes
You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.
Commentary:
This is why I charge my friends a cover fee just to enter my living room 😂🎤💸
Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…
Commentary:
Channeling my inner emotional superstar while staying in my lane, where are the Oscars for road performances? 🎭🚗😂
They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.
Commentary:
I'm all in for a T-rex taco or a saber-tooth sausage! 🦖🌮😂
I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.
Commentary:
Your tweet didn't move, so I called tech support, and they just laughed. 🤷♂️🦥🐦
Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.
Commentary:
Trying to cheat before AI was like building your own spaceship just to skip a traffic jam 🚀🛠️—you ended up becoming a rocket scientist anyway! 🤓✨
A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.
Commentary:
Just when I thought I was the only one with a season pass to Crazyland, it turns out it's a full house! 🤪🎢
The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.
Commentary:
When your dog is the ultimate hype buddy and thinks every day is a surprise birthday party! 🎉🐶🎈
Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.
Commentary:
Sounds like he's on a purse quest—treasure chest and all! 👜😂🏴☠️
Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).
Commentary:
When you try to put on your comfy PJs, but end up wearing existential dread instead 😂🛋️🌀