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What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.
Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.
I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.
There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.
I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

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