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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

12 minutes ago

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Seen just now on X:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Going viral on Threads:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Trending via TikTok:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Just shared via WeChat:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Making waves on Threads:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Seen just now on Slack:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Reported on Twitch:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Home » Funny 401k Quotes

Funny 401k quotes

New funny 401k quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Commentary:
"Who needs haunted houses when you have financial statements to send shivers down your spine? Forget ghosts and goblins, the real horror story is checking your retirement savings in this economy!"
5 months ago
Share →: Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Commentary:
"Who needs a 401k when your retirement plan involves running like Forrest Gump? 🏃‍♂️💨 Clearly, this person prefers sprinting to saving for the long haul! 😂"
6 months ago
Share →: Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Commentary:
🤑💸💭 Bank: "Is your 401k enough to retire on?" Me: "You are my bank, you know it's not." 😅💸💼 Sounds like the bank needs to work on their optimism game!

For even more funny 401k quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny 401k quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

12 minutes ago

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on X:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

Making waves on X:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Going viral on Reddit:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Live now on TikTok:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Just shared via Telegram:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Live now on TikTok:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Just landed via Telegram:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Just landed via Discord:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

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