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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Live now on Twitch:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Spotted on Threads:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Just shared via Threads:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Funny 5pm quotes

Funny 5pm quotes are the perfect way to celebrate that magical moment when the workday finally winds down ⏰🎉 Whether you’re dreaming of happy hour 🍹 or just counting minutes until freedom, these witty lines capture the hilarious struggle of making it through the day 😂💼 Get ready to laugh, relate, and share the joy of 5pm vibes with your crew! 🙌✨

New funny 5pm quotes 👇

All funny 5pm quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Discord this month:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,531

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Spotted on Reddit:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Just shared via WeChat:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Making waves on Instagram:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Making waves on WeChat:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Just shared via Threads:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

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