Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Making waves on YouTube:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Shared recently on Threads:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Just landed via X:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Shared recently on Slack:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Just landed via Slack:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Funny automated system quotes

New funny automated system quotes 👇

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

0

2 months ago

automated, automated system, enter, humor, last, phone, Pi, representative, satire, speak, system, technology

Someone from 🇹🇲 has recently shared this quote.

63 shares on TikTok this month.

All funny automated system quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Threads this month:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

99 shares on Discord this month:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Trending via Messenger:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Going viral on Slack:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Live now on Snapchat:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Making waves on WeChat:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Just shared via Messenger:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Just shared via TikTok:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Making waves on Reddit:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny automated system quotes

New funny automated system quotes 👇

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

All funny automated system quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨