Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

3 minutes ago

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Just shared via Slack:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Making waves on Discord:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Making waves on Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Live now on Instagram:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Just landed via Instagram:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Seen just now on Slack:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Home » Funny Every Day Quotes

Funny every day quotes

New funny every day quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Commentary:
"Talk about being willing to go the extra 'spin cycle' for someone! 🧺💕 Who knew laundry could be so seductive? Sounds like this person is hoping to get 'folded' into someone's heart on the daily! 😂✨ #LaundryLove"
6 months ago
Share →: People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Commentary:
"Ah, the wise words of the great philosopher, Mr. Procrastination! 🤷‍♂️ Indeed, who knew that 'doing nothing' could be a full-time job? 😂 Embracing the art of relaxation or just avoiding responsibilities? You decide! 🛋️ #MasterOfInactivity"

For even more funny every day quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny every day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

3 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Going viral on Twitch:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Seen just now on Messenger:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Shared recently on Discord:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Spotted on Discord:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Trending via Discord:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Just shared via Threads:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All fights retarded. 🤪

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴