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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,533

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Trending via TikTok:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Breaking via Telegram:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Live now on Instagram:

Overthinkaholic!

Making waves on Instagram:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Breaking via Messenger:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Live now on Messenger:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Making waves on Discord:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Live now on Twitch:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Funny excuses quotes

Funny excuses quotes are the perfect way to turn a little oops into a big laugh 😂 Whether you forgot a deadline or missed a call, these witty lines will have you covered with style and humor 😜 From clever comebacks to playful justifications, get ready to brighten any sticky situation and share some smiles along the way! 🎉😆 #ExcuseMe #TooFunny

New funny excuses quotes 👇

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

0

2 months ago

alarm, excuses, here, honesty, humor, i, late, lateness, laziness, procrastination, sarcasm, set, sorry, want
You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

0

2 months ago

allowed, body, body confidence, confidence, excuses, feeling, feeling sexy, humor, miss, miss work, self-care, sexy, should, work, workplace
My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

0

2 months ago

again, cat, cigarettes, excuses, frustration, humor, pet, sick, smell, smells
You should be able to call in sad to work.

0

2 months ago

able, call, excuses, humor, sad, should, work, workplace
So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

0

2 months ago

comedy, excuses, humor, irony, rude, self-deprecation, solutions
ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

0

2 months ago

AI, artificial intelligence, ChatGPT, conversation, dinner, excuse, excuses, family, humor, in-law, leave, technology
My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

0

2 months ago

age, doing, excuses, humor, i, moods, old, reluctance, sober, time, tired

All funny excuses quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

85 shares on Discord this month:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

31 shares on Slack this month:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,284

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Just shared via X:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Going viral on TikTok:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Making waves on X:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Shared recently on Slack:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Just shared via Messenger:

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

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