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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,573

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Making waves on Facebook:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Live now on Reddit:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Going bananas on YouTube:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Funny groomer quotes

Funny groomer quotes bring a splash of humor to the world of pet pampering 🐾✂️ Whether you’re a pro with scissors or just a pet parent who’s seen it all, these witty sayings will brighten your day and celebrate the quirky side of grooming 🐶💇‍♂️ Get ready to laugh, relate, and share some smiles with every snip and fluff! 😂🐕‍🦺

New funny groomer quotes 👇

All funny groomer quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

16 shares on Threads this month:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

69 shares on Threads this month:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,301

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Just landed via YouTube:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Going viral on Threads:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Just shared via Telegram:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Live now on TikTok:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

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