Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Spotted on Telegram:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Shared recently on Discord:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Making waves on X:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Making waves on Instagram:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Trending via TikTok:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Just landed via Reddit:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Funny handshake quotes

Funny handshake quotes 🤝😂 add a splash of humor to those classic greetings! Whether it’s a quirky twist or a clever punchline, these witty words turn a simple handshake into a memorable moment. Perfect for breaking the ice or sharing a laugh with friends, get ready to shake things up and smile wide! 😄🎉✨

New funny handshake quotes 👇

All funny handshake quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

45 shares on X this month:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

56 shares on X this month:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you breakdance you buy dance.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,283

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Shared recently on X:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Just shared via Instagram:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Going viral on Twitch:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Trending via Messenger:

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Live now on Discord:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

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