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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2327 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,489

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,489

Updated

1 second ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Seen just now on X:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Going viral on Reddit:

Old people be like “no elbows on the table, it’s rude” then say something racist.

Just shared via X:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Trending via Instagram:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2327 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,489

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,489

Updated

1 second ago

Users Online

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I’m so bored of being bored because being bored is really boring.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Breaking via Twitch:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Spotted on YouTube:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Going viral on YouTube:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Shared recently on YouTube:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Spotted on X:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Going viral on Messenger:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Shared recently on Telegram:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

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