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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,625

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Going viral on Telegram:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Shared recently on Threads:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Spotted on Pinterest:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Funny malcolm quotes

New funny malcolm quotes 👇

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

5 days ago

birth, birth name, change, fact, figure, fun, fun fact, historical, historical figure, humor, irony, malcolm, Malcolm X, name, name change, Twitter, x

All funny malcolm quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Slack this month:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

27 shares on Telegram this month:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

73 shares on Threads this month:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

47 shares on X this month:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

49 shares on Threads this month:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

34 shares on Discord this month:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Just landed via Twitch:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Going viral on Telegram:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Going bananas on Telegram:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Spotted on YouTube:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Spotted on Reddit:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Live now on YouTube:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Going viral on Instagram:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Breaking via Pinterest:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

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Funny malcolm quotes

New funny malcolm quotes 👇

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

All funny malcolm quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨