Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,233

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Trending via LinkedIn:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Breaking via Facebook:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Going viral on WeChat:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Seen just now on Slack:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Live now on Reddit:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Funny nanny quotes

Funny nanny quotes bring a splash of laughter to the daily adventures of childcare 👶😂 From diaper disasters to unexpected toddler wisdom, these witty gems capture the joy and chaos of nanny life 🎉🍼 Whether you’re a seasoned pro or just love a good chuckle, get ready to smile and relate to the hilarious moments only a nanny can understand! 😄✨ #NannyLife #LaughOutLoud

New funny nanny quotes 👇

All funny nanny quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Telegram this month:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

90 shares on X this month:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

25 shares on Threads this month:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

15 shares on Discord this month:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

56 shares on X this month:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,238

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Just shared via Slack:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Making waves on X:

My life is based on a true story.

Breaking via WeChat:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Spotted on Threads:

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

Trending via Slack:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

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