Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,406

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

Spotted on Threads:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Seen just now on X:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Seen just now on X:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Just shared via X:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Just shared via Facebook:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Breaking via Discord:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Shared recently on YouTube:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Breaking via Twitch:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Funny newspaper quotes

Funny newspaper quotes bring humor to the classic world of print media. 📰😄 From witty remarks about headlines to playful jabs at quirky news stories, these quotes highlight the lighter side of reading the daily paper. Enjoy a laugh and rediscover the fun in flipping through the news! 😂🗞️

New funny newspaper quotes 👇

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

0

2 months ago

age, am, back, daily, daily habit, day, every, front, habit, humor, i, newspaper, old, read, reading, single
Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

0

2 months ago

behavior, comedy, critique, good, humor, internet, media, most, newspaper, nose, online, online behavior, playful, sarcasm, satire, social, social media, Twitter
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, humor, i, necessity, newspaper, newspapers, old, paper, pun, ran, resourcefulness, rough, rough times, start, times, toilet, toilet paper
Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

0

2 months ago

news, newspaper, reading, social media, Twitter

All funny newspaper quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

20 shares on Slack this month:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

66 shares on Threads this month:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

98 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I am half agony, half hope.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Shared recently on Threads:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Live now on WeChat:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Shared recently on Slack:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Going bananas on Reddit:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Aura is the real business card.

Making waves on Reddit:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

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