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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Going viral on Reddit:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Just landed via Reddit:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Freshly posted on X:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Funny not working quotes

Funny not working quotes bring a burst of laughter to those endless workdays when motivation hits snooze 😴💼. Whether you’re dodging deadlines or perfecting the art of procrastination, these witty lines capture the hilarious struggle of staying productive (or not!) 😂🛋️. Ready to giggle through your work breaks? Let’s dive into the funniest way to celebrate doing absolutely nothing… with style! 🎉📅

New funny not working quotes 👇

All funny not working quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

74 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

That stupid look on my face is my face.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Aura is the real business card.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

Seen just now on Messenger:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Making waves on Facebook:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Live now on Snapchat:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Just shared via Facebook:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Shared recently on Discord:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Just shared via Instagram:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

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