Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,615

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Shared recently on TikTok:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Live now on X:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Going viral on Instagram:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Spotted on Reddit:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Making waves on TikTok:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Spotted on YouTube:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Funny octopus quotes

Funny octopus quotes 🐙 are the perfect way to add a splash of ocean humor 🌊 to your day! These clever cephalopod sayings tickle your funny bone with their eight-armed wit and ink-spiring charm 🖋️. Whether you’re a sea lover or just need a quirky smile, dive into the world of playful octopus vibes and let the laughter flow like the tides! 😂🐚

New funny octopus quotes 👇

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

2 weeks ago

emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

2 weeks ago

creativity, humor, i, multitasking, octopus, people, slap, wish
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

2 weeks ago

face, friends, humor, loyalty, metaphor, ocean, octopus, relationships, stay, true, waf

All funny octopus quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Discord this month:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

17 shares on Discord this month:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

44 shares on Messenger this month:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

40 shares on Discord this month:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,693

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Just shared via WeChat:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Spotted on WeChat:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Trending via Threads:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Spotted on WeChat:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Trending via X:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

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