Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Commentary:
“Ah, the dream of multitasking in style – Octopus goals! 🐙💥 Just imagine the chaos of eight simultaneous slaps! Just make sure those eight people aren’t armed with octopus repellent 😉🦑”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs lights when you can just blame the darkness for any mess? 🌚✨ It’s like having a magic cleaning spell! 🧹✨ #PowerSavingGoals”

  • After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

    Commentary:
    “Welcome to ‘Sloppy Saucers with Chef Tipsy’ – where the dishes aren’t the only ones getting cleaned! 🍸🍽️ Get ready for a ‘spirited’ display of suds and spills as we navigate this tipsy cleanup adventure together! 🥴✨ #CheersToCleanliness”

  • Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

    Commentary:
    Oh, the pun-tastic potential of blending family dynamics with fancy French phrases! 😄🇫🇷 It’s certainly a faux pas not to appreciate the humor in our everyday relationships. Step aside, stepdad, here comes the faux pas with all its accidental charm! 😉 #DadJokeGoals

  • In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the 80s, where even your bed could quench your thirst! 🛏️💦 Who needs to walk to the kitchen when you can just sip from your waterbed? Talk about convenience – and potential for a soggy morning! 😂 #ThrowbackThirsty”

  • I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

    Commentary:
    “Who needs goodbyes when you can cha-cha away from negativity! 💃🕺 Good riddance, and hello to better vibes! 🤣👋 #DancingMyWayOut”

  • The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a doctor’s prescription when you have a bottle full of sugar-coated intelligence pills? 🤓💊 Warning: may cause sudden bursts of brilliance and questionable decision-making 😂 #SweetSmartiesAntics”