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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,308

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Live now on Threads:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Just shared via Pinterest:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Spotted on Slack:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Funny permission quotes

Funny permission quotes bring a hilarious twist to asking for approval 😂 Whether you’re seeking a green light to eat that extra slice 🍕 or just getting creative with rules 🕺, these witty lines add laughter to every yes or no. Ready to brighten your day with some permission-approved humor? Let’s dive into the funniest ways to say “Can I?” with style and smiles! 😄✨

New funny permission quotes 👇

The world started without permission again.

0

3 weeks ago

again, event, humor, permission, sarcasm, started, unexpected, unexpected event, world

Someone from 🇱🇺 has recently copied this quote.

42 shares on Reddit this month.
Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

0

1 month ago

allowed, asking, authority, bathroom, believe, childhood, hell, i, life, memory, permission, school, sometimes, spent, teacher, told

Someone from 🇲🇳 has recently bookmarked this quote.

87 shares on Telegram this month.
I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

0

2 months ago

allowed, behavior, house, humor, independence, own, permission, social, social behavior, surprise

Someone from 🇷🇴 has recently bookmarked this quote.

111 shares on Twitch this month.
Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

0

2 months ago

again, apple, brightness, frustration, humor, just, permission, technology, turn, turned

Someone from 🇧🇸 has recently shared this quote.

110 shares on Discord this month.
Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

0

2 months ago

ask, bandaid, best, consent, decision, humor, i, pain, permission, quick, slow

Someone from 🇳🇪 has recently bookmarked this quote.

114 shares on LinkedIn this month.

All funny permission quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

94 shares on Instagram this month:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

16 folks are currently checking 👀

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,725

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Just landed via WeChat:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Just landed via Messenger:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Live now on Instagram:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Going viral on Telegram:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

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