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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Be the funny, awkward silence breaker you want to see in the world.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Spotted on Discord:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Shared recently on Threads:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

Making waves on Reddit:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Breaking via TikTok:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Just shared via Slack:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Making waves on WeChat:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Just landed via Reddit:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Funny seize quotes

Funny seize quotes are the perfect way to add a dash of humor to moments when you need to grab life by the horns 🐂✨. Whether you’re ready to snatch opportunities or just want a good laugh while taking charge 😄🎯, these witty lines will have you smiling and motivated at the same time. Get ready to seize the day with a chuckle and a cheeky grin! 😂🚀

New funny seize quotes 👇

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

2 weeks ago

alone, courtesy, day, extend, hope, humor, i, leave, me, procrastination, same, seize, thank
Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

2 weeks ago

day, humor, next, optimism, procrastination, seize, suck, sucks
I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

2 weeks ago

around, day, feel, feeling, going, humor, i, life, me, procrastination, seize, struggle
I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

2 weeks ago

always, day, ew, finger, hesitation, humor, i, index, index finger, poke, procrastination, seize, seize the day, sometimes

All funny seize quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,264

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Just landed via Threads:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Just landed via Reddit:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Live now on TikTok:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Breaking via Snapchat:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Just landed via Reddit:

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

Trending via Telegram:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Spreading quickly via X:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

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