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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,398

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Live now on LinkedIn:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Trending via Messenger:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Spotted on Discord:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Live now on LinkedIn:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Trending via WeChat:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Breaking via X:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Just shared via Slack:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Funny self-indulgence quotes

Funny self-indulgence quotes are the perfect way to laugh at our little quirks and unapologetic moments of treating ourselves 🎉🍰 Whether it’s sneaking that extra slice of cake or binge-watching your favorite show guilt-free, these witty lines celebrate the art of being delightfully selfish 😜💅 Get ready to smile, relate, and maybe even justify your next indulgence with a cheeky grin! 😂✨

New funny self-indulgence quotes 👇

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

4 weeks ago

always, bad, deserve, good, humor, i, motivation, routine, self-care, self-indulgence, self-love, simply, treat, treats, week, weekly, weekly routine
Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

4 weeks ago

anti-social, bed, day, everyone, humor, just, lie, naked, relaxation, self-care, self-indulgence, solitude
I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

1 month ago

big, cake, celebration, eating, family, friends, groom, humor, i, just, me, self-indulgence, small, solo, want, wedding

All funny self-indulgence quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

74 shares on Discord this month:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,715

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Freshly posted on X:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Just landed via WeChat:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

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