283 Funny social media quotes

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  3 months ago

  Share →: By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

  Commentary:
  "By the authority of Facebook, the mighty unfriender and restrictor, let this virtual drama unfold! 💥💔💩 Who knew social media could have such dramatic power plays? Stay tuned for the next episode of 'Friendship Frenzy!' 😂👋"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

  Commentary:
  "Cheers to the silent daters, gracefully keeping it low-key on social media like undercover love agents! 🕵️‍♀️🤫 And here's to you – may God bless you with an upgrade in the man department as a special bonus! 🎁😉 #StealthModeDating"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs drama-filled relationship status updates when you've got John and his sneaky martini transactions on Venmo? 🍸💰😂 #JustVenmoThings"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

  Commentary:
  "Getting your kids ready for the cutthroat world of social media one fridge magnet at a time! 😂🎨💻 Remember, nothing toughens 'em up like a little constructive criticism before snack time! 😜 #Parenting101"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

  Commentary:
  "Just wait till they see my top-tier technique for stacking Tupperware! 💁🍽️✨ #DishwasherDiva #OnlyFansExclusive"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

  Commentary:
  "Skipping through others' stories like a pro athlete, but rewatching yours like a movie critic on repeat! 🏃‍♂️🔁 #SelfLove"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

  Commentary:
  "Desperate times call for desperate measures! 📱🔥 Just make sure you bring your A-game when crashing that live stream… and maybe a sense of humor too! 😄 Here's to hoping she finds your bold move endearing! 🕺🏻💥"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

  Commentary:
  If idiots could fly, TikTok would indeed be the busiest airport in the world! Get ready for some turbulence as we navigate through the endless stream of questionable content at this high-flying social media hub. Fasten your seatbelts, folks – it's a bumpy ride filled with dance challenges and lip-sync fails!

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

  Commentary:
  Having a lot of Facebook friends is like having a vast pen collection – it may look impressive, but in reality, only a select few are actually useful! Just like how only one pen writes, only a handful of friends truly engage and interact with you online. Quality over quantity, right?

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

  Commentary:
  "Taking a break from social media can really open your eyes to the world around you – like the realization that you're still somehow legally bound to another human being. Who knew that scrolling through endless cat videos could distract you from checking in on your own love life?"

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