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Funny unexpected situation quotes

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

3 months ago

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

3 months ago

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

3 months ago

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

3 months ago