50+ Funny Anxiety Quotes That Prove Overthinking Is Our Real Superpower

New funny anxiety quotes

• 
  Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

  Commentary:
  When you hit send and immediately enroll in a witness protection program 🤦‍♂️😂📲

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  I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like you've got a highly detailed nighttime drama series running in your head! 🌙🛌📚

• 
  Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

  Commentary:
  When imagination turns into a soap opera! 📱🎭💭

• 
  I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

  Commentary:
  Trying to balance texting them and maintaining my dignity like a cat walking on a tightrope 😂📱🎪

• 
  Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

  Commentary:
  Entering my house with drama levels on high? This isn't a soap opera audition! 😂🏡🚫📈

• 
  It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

  Commentary:
  Finally, a symptom I don’t have! 😅🍕 #StillWishingForThatOneThough

• 
  Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

  Commentary:
  When your brain has its own suspense thriller 📚🔍😅

• 
  The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old days of mini heart attacks before we even knew what "Hello" meant! 📞😱📞

• 
  Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

  Commentary:
  When your anxiety insists on the night shift, but you're just trying to dream of happy llamas 🦙😴🌜

• 
  Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

  Commentary:
  Getting ready to turn my living room into a five-star panic resort! 😅🏃‍♂️💨

Top funny anxiety quotes

• 
  Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like my invitation got lost in a Bermuda Triangle of self-doubt 🤔📫😅

• 
  My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

  Commentary:
  Guess we inherited emotional real estate instead of actual real estate! 🤪🏠🫣

• 
  Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

  Commentary:
  When "awkward" is your middle name, but "talkative" is your superhero mode 😂🦸‍♂️💬

• 
  “I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

  Commentary:
  Master of imaginary disasters reporting for duty! 🚨🤯🎭

• 
  Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

  Commentary:
  "Why answer when you can become a private investigator? 📞🔍🤣"

• 
  My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

  Commentary:
  Going to the gym feels like accidentally joining a group project when you wanted to work solo 😅💪 #GymHermit

• 
  Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

  Commentary:
  Guess it's time to add "sun specialist" to my resume! ☀️💥😂

• 
  My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

  Commentary:
  Animal whisperer by day, expert people avoider by night! 😂🙈👋🐶

• 
  Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

  Commentary:
  Wearing less, stressing more, all just to prove I'm not a landlocked fish! 🐠🏊‍♂️😅

• 
  My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

  Commentary:
  When you realize you're not the only one enjoying a midnight staring contest! 👀😂

Popular funny anxiety quotes

• 
  Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

  Commentary:
  When your crush actually likes you back and you secretly wonder if they're trolling: 🕵️‍♀️😳👀

• 
  We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like they're in a committed relationship with their couch—Netflix and chill are their favorite landmark! 🛋️📺🥤

• 
  How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

  Commentary:
  I can totally relate—every time I try to chill, my to-do list smirks at me and says, "Good one!" 😅📝

• 
  Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

  Commentary:
  When social batteries run low, I just set them to airplane mode! ✈️🔋🙅‍♂️

• 
  “Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like the extrovert's nightmare is now the introvert's dream come true! 🙈😂 #CancelCulture

• 
  Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

  Commentary:
  Relatable! Because who doesn't love a surprise visit from the anxiety fairy at 3 p.m. 🧚‍♀️🔔😅

• 
  I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

  Commentary:
  Overthinking is my cardio! 🚴‍♂️🧠💭

• 
  We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

  Commentary:
  Sign me up, where's the download button for this new "Rent-a-Voice" service? 📞🤐😅

• 
  They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

  Commentary:
  When you’re too seasoned for the rookie terminals: Welcome to SkyPro Airlines, where frequent flyers know the drill! ✈️😎🛫

• 
  I forgot how to panic. Help!

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone misplaced their panic button! 🚨 Maybe it's hiding out with your lost keys and missing socks? Don't worry, I'll help you find it… right after we check under the sofa cushions for your sanity! 🛋️😜"

More funny anxiety quotes

• 
  My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the vicious cycle of stress! It's like stressing about stressing – stress-ception! 🌀 Just when you think you've got it under control, stress pops up to say 'Surprise!' 🤯 Don't stress about stressing about stress…or do you? 🤔 Let's find some stress relief for your stressed-out stress! 💆‍♂️"

• 
  You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, when you and yourself can't seem to agree on anything, you know it's stress o'clock! 🤯🙄 Hang in there, self, we'll get through this together! 💪😂"

• 
  Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the thrill of the great cancelation! 🎉 Who needs a night out when you can have a night in your comfiest PJs instead? 😂 Canceling plans has never felt so liberating, am I right? 🙌 #AlwaysDownForSomeCancelationExcitement"

• 
  You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

  Commentary:
  When someone knocks on your door and you suddenly turn into a ninja master 🥷🏼 ready to defend your domain! Remember, it's just a visitor, not the FBI looking for you! 😂🚪 #DingDongDefense

• 
  On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

  Commentary:
  "Presenting: the ultimate master of composure, with a side of internal chaos! 🥒🐿️ Stay calm on the outside, let the squirrels do the sprinting inside! 🤪 #CucumberCool #SquirrelInTraffic"

• 
  No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

  Commentary:
  Oh, absolutely, no stress at all! Just casually transforming into a human nutcracker for the sheer thrill of it! 😬💪 Who needs a jawbreaker when you can grind your teeth for free, am I right? Keep up the dental workout, it's all smiles here! 😂🦷 #GnashingAndRelaxing

• 
  My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your fight or flight response is a jet-setter! 🌍✈️ Always ready to take off at a moment's notice, even the turbulence can't shake its frequent flyer confidence. Just make sure it doesn't rack up too many points or it might upgrade to first-class panic mode! 😅

• 
  I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a Fitbit when you have a passport to keep tabs on? Passport-checking: the latest travel workout trend! 💼✈️😂"

• 
  People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the sweet freedom of not having social plans! 😅 Who knew a global pandemic would make introverts feel like party animals? 🎉 #SorryNotSorry #IntrovertLife"

• 
  I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the ol' 'fart your way to freedom' strategy, a true gas-powered escape plan! 🌬️💨 Just imagine the looks on your kidnappers' faces as they realize they've underestimated the power of nervous flatulence! 💨😂 Remember, when in doubt, let it out! #FlatulenceForFreedom"

Witty anxiety quotes

• 
  If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

  Commentary:
  Well, if you're an introvert, your alibi might just be your cat… who won't testify in court! 🙊🐱 #IntrovertStruggles #CatAlibiDefense

• 
  The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the magical transformative powers of liquid courage! 🍹✨ Here to help us all conquer social anxiety, one drink at a time. Bottoms up, introverts! 🥂😅 #CheersToNormalcy"

• 
  Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

  Commentary:
  "Sure, I'm uncomfortable, but only in situations 🤷‍♂️ – because nothing puts me more at ease than a good ol' awkward moment! It's my specialty, really. Just call me the Connoisseur of Uncomfortable 😅💁‍♂️."

• 
  I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

  Commentary:
  "Sharing a twin rumor with your neighbors just to avoid small talk – talk about using sibling leverage! 😂👯‍♂️ Who knew having a doppelgänger could come in so handy for introverts?"

• 
  My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to rely on my mental health is like using a flashlight in a horror film – it flickers at the worst moments and inevitably leaves me in the dark 🕯️😱 But hey, at least there's always a twist ending, right? 😅"

• 
  Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the horror! 🕷️💨 It's bad enough when you see a spider, but when it pulls a Houdini and disappears into thin air, well, that's just pure nightmare fuel! 😱 Who knows where it might pop up next? Maybe it's off plotting its next surprise attack… Watch your back! 😂 #SpookySpiderAntics

• 
  Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever said 'out of sight out of mind' clearly never experienced the heart-pounding panic of realizing a spider has gone missing in the bedroom 🕷️🕸️😱 Talk about a reality check in the arachnophobia department!"

• 
  At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

  Commentary:
  "Having a chat with yourself at the self-checkout? Just remember, even if you annoy yourself, at least you're always guaranteed some laughs! 🤣🛒 #TalkingToMyself #SelfCheckoutStruggles"

• 
  What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

  Commentary:
  Ah, yes, the riveting saga of electric cars and diarrhea—one zips you along silently, the other accelerates your trip to the bathroom! 🚗💨💩 Just remember, when nature calls, you better hope your battery is fully charged! ⚡😬 #ChargeUpBeforeYouDropOff

• 
  FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

  Commentary:
  Ah, FOBI – the ultimate anti-social anxiety! 🙅‍♂️ Who needs FOMO when you've got FOBI keeping you happily away from those social gatherings? 😂 It's all about embracing your fear of being invited and enjoying some quality alone time instead! 🎉 #FOBIPride 🙌