New funny awkward quotes

• The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

• Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

• High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

• “Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

• I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

• Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

• If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

• Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

• Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

• Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Top funny awkward quotes

• I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

• In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

• Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

• Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

• Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

• Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

• Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

• Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

• Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

• My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Popular funny awkward quotes

• I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

• The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

• Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

• On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

• Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

• I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

• My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

• My life goal is to make you feel as awkward or awesome as you are making me feel.

• Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

• Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

More funny awkward quotes

• I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

• It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

• That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

• Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

• I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

• Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

• It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

• Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

• (british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

• Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Witty awkward quotes

• Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

• Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

• What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

• Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

• Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

• I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

• I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

• Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

• Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

• I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Funny awkward quotes remind us that while awkward moments feel brutal in the moment 😬, they make for the best stories later 🤣. Whether it’s weird silences 🔇, accidental oversharing 🗯️, or tripping over nothing 🚶‍♂️, life loves to throw us into situations that are hilariously uncomfortable. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s mastered the art of laughing at their own awkwardness 🙃. So embrace the cringe, laugh at the blunders, and enjoy the endless comedy of awkward moments 🤪!