New funny awkward quotes

• I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

• Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

• Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

• In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

• Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

• (british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

• Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

• Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

• Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

• What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Top funny awkward quotes

• Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

• Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

• I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

• I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

• Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

• Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

• I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

• Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

• Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

• You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Popular funny awkward quotes

• Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

• My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

• So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

• If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

• I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

• What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

• I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

• Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

• A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

• I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

More funny awkward quotes

• You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

• Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

• My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

• Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

• I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

• For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

• Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

• Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

• Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

• Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Witty awkward quotes

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

• I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

• His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

• Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

• They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

• Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

• I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

• I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

• “I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

• That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Funny awkward quotes remind us that while awkward moments feel brutal in the moment 😬, they make for the best stories later 🤣. Whether it’s weird silences 🔇, accidental oversharing 🗯️, or tripping over nothing 🚶‍♂️, life loves to throw us into situations that are hilariously uncomfortable. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s mastered the art of laughing at their own awkwardness 🙃. So embrace the cringe, laugh at the blunders, and enjoy the endless comedy of awkward moments 🤪!