New funny bad quotes

• “Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

• I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

• Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

• The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

• “We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

• A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

• No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

• Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

• You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

• I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Top funny bad quotes

• I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

• You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

• I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

• People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

• Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

• A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

• I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

• I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

• Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

• “I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Popular funny bad quotes

• I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

• Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

• Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

• You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

• Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

• Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

• Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

• Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

• Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

More funny bad quotes

• Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

• I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

• Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

• You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

• Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

• A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

• There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

• Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

• Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

• When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Witty bad quotes

• Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

• I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

• I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

• Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

• Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

• When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

• I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

• Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

• What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

• Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Funny bad quotes remind us that while bad moments feel awful in the moment 😩, they often become the funniest stories later 🤣. Whether it’s a bad date, a bad idea, or a bad day that snowballs into total chaos 🌪️, these quotes help us see the humor in life’s little disasters. Perfect for anyone who’s learned to laugh through the “bad” and find joy in the mess 🙃. So embrace the fails, laugh at the chaos, and turn every bad moment into a funny memory 🤪!