50+ Funny Car Quotes That Prove Driving Is A Daily Comedy Routine

New funny car quotes

• 
  Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

  Commentary:
  Watch out, world, there's a pro in the car seat! 👶🚗😂

• 
  I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like my car might qualify for a gym membership with all that speeding and stopping! 🚗💨🛑😅

• 
  She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

  Commentary:
  Millennial superhero: Defender of the stick shift! 🚗🦸‍♀️✨

• 
  In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

  Commentary:
  Trying to fly a spaceship in Star Wars: piece of cake. Trying to navigate a rental car's dashboard: where's C-3PO when you need him? 🤔🚗✨

• 
  I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

  Commentary:
  Bring back the days of big hair and even bigger declarations of love! Less texting, more leaning over car hoods! 🚗💖🕺

• 
  Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

  Commentary:
  Imagine training for the Olympics of procrastination 😂🚗⏳🏆

• 
  If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

  Commentary:
  Cooling seats: Because no one likes their shorts becoming a mini sauna! 🥵❄️🚗

• 
  Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

  Commentary:
  Sure thing! How about this: "I guess I should have sent a 6-month notice before actually wanting a car 🚗🤔🙈"

• 
  Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

  Commentary:
  Rolling through the suburbs looking tougher than a grocery list on a Monday morning 😎🚗🛒✨

• 
  I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

  Commentary:
  "With your track record, even a bicycle seems risky! 🚲😄"

Top funny car quotes

• 
  Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

  Commentary:
  Living the dream of turning groceries into a masterpiece one overpriced trip at a time! 💃🚗🍏✨

• 
  Stop dating if you have no car.

  Commentary:
  Can't even take my date for a walk without four wheels? Guess it's time for a bicycle-built-for-two! 🚲💔✨

• 
  Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

  Commentary:
  Oops, I just became the pothole whisperer! 🚗💔😅

• 
  Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

  Commentary:
  Who knew cars had such wanderlust? Hope it's not road tripping on my gas card too! 🚗💨🐴⛽

• 
  Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like a divine intervention for my driving record! 🚗😂🙏

• 
  I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Jesus took the wheel, but the turn signal got left behind! 🙈🚗😂

• 
  Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

  Commentary:
  Silent road trip ninja reporting for duty! 🚗🕶️🤫

• 
  Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

  Commentary:
  Sounds like my foot's been getting quite the workout! 🚗💨🦶😅

• 
  Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

  Commentary:
  Riding shotgun in their car feels like we're in a real-life video game... just without the restart button! 🚗💨🕹️

• 
  Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

  Commentary:
  Hopefully, my room's sparkling enough to make her forget she has her own mansion 🛏️😄✨

Popular funny car quotes

• 
  So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

  Commentary:
  Living in a whirlwind of chaos, but cavity-free teeth are a priority! 😬🦷🚗💥

• 
  I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

  Commentary:
  Hope your insurance covers mysterious creature collisions! 🚗😅🦄

• 
  We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

  Commentary:
  Trading in flying cars for King of Pop Munchies! 🍔🤔👨‍🎤

• 
  The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

  Commentary:
  Meeting new people was not on my to-do list today! 🚗😅👋

• 
  If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs horsepower when you can have lunch power? 🚚🍔 Trade in your sports car for a food truck and win hearts with every meal! 🏎️❌🌮 #StreetEats"

• 
  Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic paradox of a car nap - simultaneously rejuvenating and risky! 😴🚗 It's like a power nap with an element of danger thrown in for good measure. Just imagine waking up with a jolt and realizing you've been driving on autopilot... literally! Drive safe, nap safe, folks! 😅"

• 
  Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

  Commentary:
  "Hey there, engine light! Don't stress out, we're all a little broken inside. If this car can keep going with its quirks, so can you! 💪🔧 Keep twinkling, you little warning light, you're not the boss of us!"

• 
  People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like your Uber driver has a strict 'drop and go' policy! 🚗😂 Maybe they're just eager to pick up their next passenger or maybe they're just jealous of your cozy car vibes. Either way, looks like you'll have to find another spot for your post-drive relaxation sessions!"

• 
  Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the ol' 'I'm not ignoring the rules, I just didn't notice you, Officer' defense 🚓😅 It's all fun and games until you get caught... and end up with a ticket souven-WHEEEE! 🚗💨"

• 
  They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

  Commentary:
  Back in my day, parking was so convenient you could shop from the driver's seat! 🚗🛍️😄

More funny car quotes

• 
  Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

  Commentary:
  I'm all for a good thrill, but I draw the line at becoming a human bumper sticker! 🚗💥🤕 Just imagine the hospital food and questionable fashion choices as you recover... But hey, at least you'll have a riveting story to tell at parties! 🏥😅 #LifeGoals

• 
  Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

  Commentary:
  "Remember folks, just like how hanging out in the produce section doesn't turn you into a vegetable 🍅, simply sitting in a pew doesn't automatically grant you 'holier than thou' status! 🙏😄 #TrueFaithGoesBeyondTheBuilding"

• 
  Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs therapy when you can have a sports car for a good cry session? 🚗💸😅 #PrioritiesInCheck"

• 
  Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

  Commentary:
  "Remember your roots - that's where you parked your ride! 🚗😄 Don't wander too far, or you might end up taking the bus home. 🚌😂"

• 
  You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs stickers when you can have fridge magnets flying all over your car? 🚗💨 Just when you thought driving couldn't get more quirky! 🤪✨ #RefrigeratorCar"

• 
  Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

  Commentary:
  "🚽 Oh, the automatic flush surprises vs. autonomous cars! Who knew your toilet and a self-driving vehicle could have so much in common? Maybe we need to give them both a little more control over when they decide to do their thing! 💦🚗"

• 
  Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

  Commentary:
  "When your evil twin is out there time-traveling in a DeLorean, at least you know they have a flair for the dramatic! 🚗⏰ Just make sure they don't mess up the space-time continuum too much! 😆🌀"

• 
  The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs wind turbines or solar panels when you have the incredible energy generated by a slamming car door? 💥🚗 Just make sure to stand back and watch the power of that slam! 💪😆"

• 
  I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

  Commentary:
  Oh, those sneaky small cars playing hide-and-seek with parking spots! 🚗🤔 Don't be fooled by their innocent size, they're just waiting to reveal their true form the moment you approach. It's like a magician's trick gone wrong in the world of parking! 🎩✨ #ParkingProblems

• 
  Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a hoodie when you can upgrade to a whole new ride? 🚗💨 Ladies, level up! #RealWomanGoals"

Witty car quotes

• 
  If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a sports car when you can charm everyone with a sweet and chilly treat? 🍦😎 Your ice cream van is the real MVP in the world of vehicles! #CoolRides"

• 
  Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the bridge was having a 'bear'y serious moment for a 'pawsitively' hilarious reason! 🐻🚗✨ Hope your kids didn't ruffle any feathers with their furry companions!"

• 
  I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs dating apps when you can swipe right on a delicious meal? 🍔🚗 Let's be real, food delivery folks bring joy and sustenance straight to your doorstep - they truly deliver in more ways than one! 😄🍕 #FoodOverDudes"

• 
  All my small talk is done with a car horn.

  Commentary:
  "Beep beep! Honk if you're tired of chitchat! 🚗📣 Just call me the road rage equivalent of a conversation starter. Who needs idle chit-chat when you've got a horn as loud as my opinions? 🤭🚦 #HonkIfYouAgree"

• 
  A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like some drivers have mastered the art of 'parking camouflage'! 🚗🦎 Don't worry, we see through your tiny car tricks! 😂 #ParkingWars"

• 
  That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

  Commentary:
  "Talk about a missed opportunity for an action-packed morning! 🚗💥 Guess it's just another day of mundane routine...sigh. #BoringStart #WishfulThinking"

• 
  Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a pet when you can have a coffee cup companion on your daily commute? ☕🚗 Just watch out for those double takes and friendly waves from fellow drivers! It's the ultimate way to turn heads and make friends on the road." 🤣

• 
  Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

  Commentary:
  How amusing would it be to have a light-hearted twist during a potentially tense situation? 🚓🍦 Imagine the sound of the ice cream truck jingle luring you in, only to be greeted by the flashing lights of a police car.🎵😅 It might just turn a stressful moment into a quirky memory!

• 
  Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

  Commentary:
  "Men are truly versatile creatures, mastering the art of multitasking with a single shampoo bottle! 🧔🧴🚗 Who knew cleaning the house and looking dashing could have so much in common? 😄🧼 #ManlyGroomingSkills"

• 
  Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

  Commentary:
  "Looking to part ways with my DeLorean - it's in great shape and has low mileage. 🚗💨 Only driven from time to time... literally! ⏳ Who needs roads when you can travel through time? 😉⏰ #BackToTheFuture"