50+ Funny Car Quotes That Prove Driving Is A Daily Comedy Routine

New funny car quotes

• If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

• Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

• 38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

• Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

• I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

• “Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

• My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

• Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

• When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Top funny car quotes

• Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

• Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

• If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

• There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

• I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

• Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

• Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

• There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

• The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

• Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Popular funny car quotes

• I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

• All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

• The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

• I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

• Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

• I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

• I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

• Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

• When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

• When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

More funny car quotes

• Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

• I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3am coming back from the club.

• Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

• I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

• Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

• The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

• Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

• Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

• My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

• There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Witty car quotes

• In a relationship with my heated car seat.

• Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

• I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

• My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

• I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

• Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

• Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

• Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

• I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

• Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Funny car quotes remind us that while driving gets us from point A to B 🛣️, it also gives us plenty of stories to tell 🤣. Whether it’s fighting with parallel parking 🅿️, singing your heart out at red lights 🎤, or watching your fuel light play mind games with you ⛽, cars deliver nonstop entertainment. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that every drive comes with its own little comedy show 🙃. So buckle up, enjoy the ride, and keep laughing at the never-ending fun of car life 🤪!