New funny car quotes

• The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

• We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

• I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

• So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

• Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

• Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

• Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

• Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

• I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

• Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Top funny car quotes

• Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

• Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

• Stop dating if you have no car.

• Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

• I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

• Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

• Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

• If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

• Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

• I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Popular funny car quotes

• In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

• She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

• I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

• Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

• Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

• I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

• Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

• I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

• Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

• I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

More funny car quotes

• You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

• Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

• Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

• The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

• “You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

• One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

• It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

• If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

• Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

• 38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Witty car quotes

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

• Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

• I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

• “Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

• My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

• Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

• When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

• Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

• Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

• If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Funny car quotes remind us that while driving gets us from point A to B 🛣️, it also gives us plenty of stories to tell 🤣. Whether it’s fighting with parallel parking 🅿️, singing your heart out at red lights 🎤, or watching your fuel light play mind games with you ⛽, cars deliver nonstop entertainment. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that every drive comes with its own little comedy show 🙃. So buckle up, enjoy the ride, and keep laughing at the never-ending fun of car life 🤪!