50+ Funny Cat Quotes That Prove Our Furry Overlords Run The Show

New funny cat quotes

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  My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

  Commentary:
  When your cat is so extra, even his sneezes have a plot twist! 😹😜💨

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  Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

  Commentary:
  Well, looks like I need a loan because my cat just hired a lawyer 😂🐱💸

• 
  What are cats even trying to do?

  Commentary:
  Trying to break into the nap Olympics and master the art of ignoring humans! 🐱😴🎯

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  Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

  Commentary:
  When you're high and your cat struts in like the CEO of the apartment 😂🐱 "Oh hai, Mr. Whiskers, what's the stock report?!" 📈😹

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  I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

  Commentary:
  😂🐱 Proof that cats are the masterminds behind all major negotiations. They'd rather stage a hunger strike than eat subpar kibble! 🍽️🧠

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  Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

  Commentary:
  When my cat sits on my lap, it's not affection—it's a tiny fluffy takeover 🐱👑😼

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  I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

  Commentary:
  Meow you tell me, who's the purr-son in charge here? 😂🐱🗣️

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  Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

  Commentary:
  Cats insisting on extreme stunts: 9 lives. Me? Just 1 very stressed one 🤦‍♂️🐱😂

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  Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

  Commentary:
  Just another day in the feline dictatorship, where cuddles are mandatory and the naps are non-negotiable 😸😼✨

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  Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

  Commentary:
  Why stop at "Your Majesty"? I call mine "Your Royal Napness" because all they do is rule the kingdom of Dreamland. 😺👑💤

Top funny cat quotes

• 
  To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

  Commentary:
  This to-do list looks like it’s seeking a promotion to disaster manager! 🐱🔥🥚🐦🚫

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  “Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

  Commentary:
  Scaling Mount Cat Party! 🎉🐾 Better be some legendary tuna cake at the top! 🐱🎈

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  I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

  Commentary:
  Guess I'm just a stray vibe now 🐱🤷‍♂️✨

• 
  I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

  Commentary:
  When a cat headbutts you, it’s their version of saying, "I love you, now worship me, puny human!" 🐱💥👑

• 
  My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like your cat's taking some serious lessons in grumpiness from old Garfield 🐱💤🍝 #FelineMoody

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  I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

  Commentary:
  Sylvia took on a full bowl of kibble this morning, so a cow is next level delusional! 🐱🥩😂

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  One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

  Commentary:
  When your cat's confused face lets you know you're not the only one wondering if you live in a haunted house 👻🐱😳

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  If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

  Commentary:
  Looks like gravity hired cats as its enforcement agents! 😹🌍👋

• 
  Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

  Commentary:
  My cat won't give autographs without a tuna treat payment! 🐱🎬🐟

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  Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like they've cracked the secret recipe for Eau de Purr-fume. 🐱✨🧼

Popular funny cat quotes

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  I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

  Commentary:
  Sounds like your cat discovered the magic art of feline sprawl! 🐱🛏️😹

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  Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

  Commentary:
  Cat goals: sleep all day, zero alarms, only purrs and naps 😸🛌💤

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  I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs humans when you've got a cat who completely gets you 😺🤣 Relationship status: Meowing buddies for life! 🐱 #CatConversations"

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  I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

  Commentary:
  "If only life were like a cat's – I could just lay around all day, eat to my heart's content, and be adored for my plumpness! 🐱🍕 #FatAndFabulous"

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  Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

  Commentary:
  "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods 🐱👑. And let's be real, they've been milking it ever since! 😼 Bow down to your feline overlords, hoomans! 🙇‍♂️😹"

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  Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a gym membership when you have a demanding feline personal trainer? 🐱💪 Talk about the ultimate cardio workout! #CatFitGoals"

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  When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

  Commentary:
  "Watch out, folks! We’ve got a fluffy shark on the loose! 🐱🦈 Don't be fooled by those innocent eyes, this kitty means business when it comes to food! Keep your snacks close and your fingers closer! 😹"

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  Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

  Commentary:
  🔥 When you thought it was all about rescuing cute fluffy kitties, but then it's time to slide down the fire pole and face the real deal! 🚒🔥 "We're going where?" Oh, dear volunteer firefighter, get ready for some purr-fectly unexpected adventures ahead! 😺🔥 #NotJustCatRescues #FirefighterLife

• 
  Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

  Commentary:
  When cats take fur-mover calls! 📞🐾😹

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  I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

  Commentary:
  🐱😾 "I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then." 🏠💸

  Looks like you've stumbled into a feline version of the United Nations discussing economic matters! Who knew that cats had such strong opinions on financial responsibilities? Maybe it's time to start a purr-sonal finance committee with your furry friends! 😹

More funny cat quotes

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  My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like your husband's been studying 'The Art of Feline Domination' a little too closely 😼👨‍🦳 Maybe he needs to meownderstand that you're no ordinary kitty! 🐾 #NotAnotherCatButTheBoss"

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  I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a Monday blues when you can have the Wednesday wet whiskers vibe? 🌧️😼 Just lounging by the window, contemplating life's mysteries and pondering where you left your last sunbeam. Work schmirk, rain purrrfection! 😆"

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  I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

  Commentary:
  "Well, it looks like this kitty couldn't resist being your purr-sonal paparazzi, capturing all your glamorous bathroom moments! 🐱📸 Just remember: always make time for those impromptu photo shoots, especially when a feline fan is involved! 🚽😺 #BathroomBuddies"

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  Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs to worry about monsters under the bed when you've got a cat fight club going on down there? 🐱🥊 Just imagine little kitty referees and spectators cheering on their fierce fighters! Maybe the winner gets the prized tuna can trophy! 😄 #CatFightClub"

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  My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's a purrfessional at holding a grudge! 🐱😼 Don't worry, just a little cat-itude adjustment and they'll be back to meow-sing with you in no time! 😹 #LateToThePawty

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  I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

  Commentary:
  "If only we lived in a purr-fect world where we could use our feline instincts to handle office conflicts! 😼 Just imagine the satisfaction of swatting away those annoying emails and deadlines! 🐾 #MeowtivationMonday"

• 
  When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, Catthew, the mischievous feline with a name that commands authority 😼🤣 Maybe it's the formal tone that will finally make him listen…or maybe he's just too busy planning his next adventure! 🐾 #CatTroubles"

• 
  My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the timeless wisdom of the Ninja Turtles and Garfield 🐢🍕🐱🍝 Who needs zoology when pop culture teaches us everything we need to know about animals and their favorite foods? Maybe next we'll discover that unicorns have a sweet tooth for cotton candy 😉🦄"

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  God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

  Commentary:
  "God, presenting the tiger: 'Introducing the Frosted Flakes fanatic of the feline world! 🐯🥣 Bon Appétit, humans!' Here's to hoping they don't mistake Tony the Tiger for their breakfast mascot! 🤣"

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  I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

  Commentary:
  Who knew becoming a cartoon cat was so relatable? 🐱☕️🍕 #GarfieldGoals

Witty cat quotes

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  “You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your cat's got some real estate ambitions! 🐱💼 Better watch out before he starts investing in catnip futures and litter box condos. 😂 #Catpreneurship

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  Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine being a cat and having your humans obsess over your bathroom habits like it's the latest reality TV show 🙀💩 Talk about living under surveillance 24/7! Maybe cats have secret meetings plotting how to prank us in retaliation for all the poop monitoring 😹 #CatConspiracy"

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  Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

  Commentary:
  "🐱😷 Forget cat allergies, it's all about those meowlergies! 😂 Seems like someone's got a case of the meowlergies every time a furball comes around! 🤧 #PunIntended"

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  I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's priorities are clearly in order! 🥛🐱 Canceling milk delivery is serious business when WWIII is looming, but protecting the cat is non-negotiable. Gotta love a feline's survival instincts, they always know when it's time to hunker down! 😄🌏💥

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  If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like this person is feeling unloved compared to their cat! 😽 Who wouldn't appreciate a face full of kisses and smooshes? Maybe the cat just needs some lessons in affection etiquette. 🐱💋 #catantics"

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  If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

  Commentary:
  "Note to self: A cat's preferred mode of transportation is definitely not Velcro 🐱🛋️ #catlogic #stickykitty"

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  Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

  Commentary:
  🐶🐱 "Watching Tom and Jerry as a kid really messed with my understanding of the animal kingdom! Turns out, it's the 'innocent' dogs who are the real bullies to the sophisticated felines. Who knew that cartoon chaos could lead to such insightful revelations? Time for some serious pet therapy sessions! 🙈😂"

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  I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

  Commentary:
  🤯💥🐱 "Me searching in my bag for things is like a whole dramatic production! It's a mix of action, suspense, and a sprinkle of cat-astrophe. Who knew finding a lipstick could be so thrilling to everyone around me?" 😂👜

• 
  Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

  Commentary:
  "Introducing two cats is like trying to mediate a treaty negotiation… 🐱🤝🐱 They couldn't care less about your political agenda, they just want to exchange some awkward licks and move on! 🤣 #CatsRulePoliticsDrool"

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  I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

  Commentary:
  "Who's the real genius here? 😹🍕 Always keep your eyes peeled, you never know when that pizza delivery bird might show up! 🍕🕊️ #PizzaLovers"