158 funny cat quotes - Wordgag

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

May 19, 2026

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

May 19, 2026

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

May 19, 2026

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

May 19, 2026

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

May 19, 2026

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

May 19, 2026

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

May 19, 2026

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

May 19, 2026

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

May 19, 2026

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

May 19, 2026

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

May 19, 2026

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

May 19, 2026

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

May 19, 2026

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

May 19, 2026

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

May 19, 2026

What are cats even trying to do?

May 18, 2026

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

May 18, 2026

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

May 18, 2026

Imagine the sarcasm they’d dish out if cats could speak.

May 18, 2026

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

Apr 1, 2026

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

Apr 1, 2026

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Apr 1, 2026

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

Apr 1, 2026

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Apr 1, 2026

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Apr 1, 2026

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Apr 1, 2026

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Mar 31, 2026

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Mar 31, 2026

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Mar 31, 2026

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Mar 31, 2026

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Mar 31, 2026

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Mar 31, 2026

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Mar 31, 2026

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Mar 31, 2026

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Mar 31, 2026

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Mar 31, 2026

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Mar 31, 2026

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Mar 30, 2026

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Mar 30, 2026

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Mar 30, 2026