158 funny cat quotes - Wordgag

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

May 30, 2026

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

May 30, 2026

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

May 30, 2026

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

May 30, 2026

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

May 30, 2026

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

May 30, 2026

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

May 30, 2026

What are cats even trying to do?

May 30, 2026

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

May 30, 2026

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

May 30, 2026

Imagine the sarcasm they’d dish out if cats could speak.

May 29, 2026

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

May 29, 2026

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

May 29, 2026

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

May 29, 2026

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

May 29, 2026

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

May 29, 2026

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

May 29, 2026

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

May 29, 2026

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

May 29, 2026

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

May 28, 2026

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

May 28, 2026

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

May 28, 2026

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

May 28, 2026

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

May 28, 2026

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

May 28, 2026

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

May 28, 2026

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

May 28, 2026

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

May 28, 2026

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

May 28, 2026

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

May 27, 2026

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

May 27, 2026

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

May 27, 2026

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

May 27, 2026

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

May 27, 2026

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

May 27, 2026

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

May 27, 2026

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

May 27, 2026

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

May 27, 2026

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

May 27, 2026

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

May 27, 2026