50+ Funny Childhood Quotes That Prove Growing Up Was Hilariously Weird

New funny childhood quotes

• 
  Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

  Commentary:
  Ah, yes, back in the day when "logging on" meant a five-minute escapade and floppy disks were the height of mobile storage! 🖥️💾😂

• 
  They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the yard's out of milkshake flavor! 🍦🚫🌿

• 
  It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

  Commentary:
  When Mother Nature puts on a free light show, you bring snacks and call it a front-row seat experience! 🌩️👀🍿

• 
  My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

  Commentary:
  I used to win every game of "blow-the-fan-away" with my expert robot voice skills! 🤖🌀😂

• 
  Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

  Commentary:
  Cartoons: violence to classical beats, the original reality show! 🎻💥😄

• 
  My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

  Commentary:
  The struggle was real! Back in the day, we had to worry about one ringy dingy and not battery percentage! ☎️💸📞

• 
  We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

  Commentary:
  Adulting is like trying to fold a fitted sheet—super confusing but somehow you just go with it! 😉🛌🎢

• 
  A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

  Commentary:
  When Pixar gives you life lessons but also makes you question everything. 🍿🐜🤯

• 
  Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

  Commentary:
  The backpack liberation celebration 🎒🎉 Freedom tastes like a vending machine snack! 😄

• 
  I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

  Commentary:
  Living the ultimate dream of snack-time, nap-time, and story-time! 🎉📚😴🥪

Top funny childhood quotes

• 
  Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old days of moon stalking! Now it's just bills and bad Wi-Fi. 🌝📶💸

• 
  Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

  Commentary:
  This kid was really ahead of their time—dreaming of inboxes instead of ice cream trucks! 📧😄

• 
  I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

  Commentary:
  When life was all about SpongeBob or Scooby-Doo, not taxes or adulting! 😂📺 #BringBackSimpleTimes

• 
  Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the "who needs therapy" mystery just got solved! 🕵️‍♂️🔍🤣

• 
  If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

  Commentary:
  Explaining our "booster seats" to a teenager makes me feel like an ancient artifact 🧓📞😂

• 
  I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

  Commentary:
  Once upon a time, bedtime was a penalty box; now it's the holy grail of adulthood 🛌🔍😂

• 
  Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like you've been preparing for the role of Night Owl Extraordinaire since childhood! 🌙🦉✨

• 
  When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

  Commentary:
  Cereal box literature: where I learned the alphabet and the magic of a balanced breakfast! 📦🥣😂

• 
  I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the secret to eternal cyber security: the mind of a 12-year-old! 🕵️‍♂️🔐😂

• 
  Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

  Commentary:
  Ah yes, the childhood dream of becoming a professional "tone monitor" is finally coming true! 🎤🕵️‍♀️✨

Popular funny childhood quotes

• 
  Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

  Commentary:
  Meanwhile, I'm just trying to decide what to have for dinner 🤔🍕🧙‍♂️

• 
  Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

  Commentary:
  RIP to broken pixels… 🪦👾 You fought the good fight, little digital buddy!

• 
  Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

  Commentary:
  When even the newborns are over our adulting nonsense 😆🍼💤

• 
  A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

  Commentary:
  "Having a two-year-old is like trying to contain a caffeinated tornado with endless energy and zero chill 😅🌪️ No lid, no limits, just pure chaos and mess!"

• 
  Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

  Commentary:
  😂👶👅 "Toddlers: The original conquerors of the 'Finders Keepers' rule since forever! Their claim to ownership: the all-powerful lick of approval. Watch out world, they're coming for all your treasures – one lick at a time!"

• 
  “Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the wise philosophy of every kid ever: 'If it's gonna get wrecked, let *me* wreck it first!' 🤷‍♂️🔨 Who needs enemies when you've got your own destructive tendencies, right?"

• 
  Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the timeless feud between humans and storybook wolves continues! 🐺📚 Bet that wolf wishes they had a therapist on speed dial for those lingering nightmares about you. Just imagine the therapy sessions: 'So, Mr. Wolf, tell me more about this pesky human from The Neverending Story…' 😂"

• 
  I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the grown-up pastime of scrutinizing a cartoon about a group of heroic pups with more plot twists than a soap opera 🐾📺 Who needs reality TV when you have the mystery of how Mayor Goodway always loses her pet chicken on Paw Patrol? 🐔🤔 #AdultingGoals"

• 
  Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a personal organizer when you've got Tetris skills to pack a freezer like a pro! 🕹️❄️ Don't worry, your frozen peas won't be sliding around once you've nailed that perfect Tetris fit! 😉 #MasterFreezerPacker"

• 
  When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic case of vague aspirations coming back to haunt us! 😂 It's all fun and games until you realize you're not even sure who you wanted to be in the first place! 🤔 Next time, let's remember to aim for something a bit more specific, shall we? 🎯"

More funny childhood quotes

• 
  When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the innocence of childhood misconceptions! 🍤🍸 Who wouldn't want a tipsy shrimp cocktail, right? Just imagine trying to order one at a fancy restaurant – the looks you'd get! 😄 Cheers to youthful imagination and a future of accurate food and drink knowledge!"

• 
  Strict parents raise good liars.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the fine art of deception perfected under the watchful eye of strict parents! 🕵️‍♂️🤥 It's like they're training their kids for a secret agent career in the world of fibs and white lies. 🤫😂 Just remember, honesty is the best policy… unless you're dodging a curfew check!"

• 
  My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the blissful days of being bill-free! 😂💸 Who needs responsibilities when you can just enjoy being carefree and financially unconcerned like a kid again? #AdultingCanBeOverrated

• 
  I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

  Commentary:
  "Sometimes we all just want to be missed like we're the only source of entertainment and snacks in the whole wide world 🚽👶💔 #nephewlove"

• 
  My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew chasing a mouse around could lead to such refined tastes? 🐭🎶 But hey, at least it's better than chasing people around for fun! 😏 #ClassicalMusic #TomAndJerry"

• 
  Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the magical moment when siblings transform from rivals to allies in the epic battle against bedtime! 🤣🌙 Who knew sibling solidarity could be so strong when facing the dreaded lights out? #SiblingGoals"

• 
  My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

  Commentary:
  "Today marks the start of my youngest's academic journey! 📚🎒 I shed a tear (or two) as he embarked on his kindergarten adventure, but let's be real – I cried mostly for his teachers who now have to deal with his boundless energy and endless questions! 🤣🍎✏️ #TeacherAppreciation"

• 
  My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

  Commentary:
  I knew those bedtime stories were just a sweet cover-up for sundae parties! 🍦😄

• 
  It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

  Commentary:
  Adulting: When you realize 'winging it' is the universal strategy! 🚀🤓😂

• 
  Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

  Commentary:
  "Watch out, kiddos! That tooth money might lead you down a dark path to becoming a tooth mafia boss 😂💸💰 Just remember, no tooth is worth selling your molars for! 🦷🚫 #ToothFairyGoneWrong"

Witty childhood quotes

• 
  If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

  Commentary:
  "Next time you feel intimidated, just picture that tough cookie struggling to open a Capri Sun pouch 🥤💪😂 It's hard to be scary when you're battling a juice pack!"

• 
  Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, toddlers – the tiny bosses with attitudes! 🤪👶 It's like they're saying, 'I'm not just going to make your life difficult, I'm going to make it REALLY difficult!' 😂 #ToddlerTyrants"

• 
  Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

  Commentary:
  Well, someone has definitely been snooping around in Barbie's closet! 🙈 Let's hope Ken doesn't find out, or there might be some plastic drama on their hands! 💁‍♂️👸 #ClosetConfessions #BarbieExposé

• 
  Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

  Commentary:
  Well, looks like mom's got some trust issues now… 🍼😆 Looks like you milked that joke a bit too far! 🥛😂 Hope she lactates some forgiveness soon! 🤣 #WhoopsMom #MamaMilkedIt #GotMomsAttention

• 
  My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

  Commentary:
  👧👦 "My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met. 🦖 Yep, forget about ghosts and goblins, the real horror show is bedtime with these pint-sized tyrants! 😂👻 #ParentingAdventures"

• 
  Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs to worry about monsters under the bed when you've got a cat fight club going on down there? 🐱🥊 Just imagine little kitty referees and spectators cheering on their fierce fighters! Maybe the winner gets the prized tuna can trophy! 😄 #CatFightClub"

• 
  When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old days when the struggle for survival was real: navigating through childhood without tempting fate by uttering the forbidden words to your parents! 🙊😂 It's a dangerous world out there for rebellious kiddos, where natural causes might seem like the safer option. Just remember, it's all fun and games until you sass your mom and somehow end up grounded till eternity! 🚫⚰️😜

• 
  I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the good old days when hide and seek was the ultimate challenge! 🙈 Who knew that finding a perfect hiding spot could be so crucial for survival? 😂 Ah, the innocence of childhood, when the only worry was hoping your friends wouldn't find you behind that tree or under the kitchen table! 🌳🏠 #NostalgiaAtItsFinest

• 
  “Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

  Commentary:
  If only childhood dreams came with a disclaimer of needing introvert-friendly career options! 🙅‍♂️😂 Looks like "left alone" is the ultimate career aspiration for all the lone wolves out there! 🐺 #DreamJobGoals

• 
  I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew the scariest creatures weren't lurking under the bed, but hiding behind those fake smiles all along? 😈😬 Watch out for the real monsters out there, they're not always easy to spot!"