New funny daily quotes

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

• Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

• Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

• Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

• I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

• Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

• No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

• Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

• Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Top funny daily quotes

• Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

• It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

• Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

• I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

• The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

• Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

• Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

• Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

• You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

• Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Popular funny daily quotes

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

• Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

• I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

• Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

• Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

• “I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

• I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

• I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

• I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

• How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

More funny daily quotes

• I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

• The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

• Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

• I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

• Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

• When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

• Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

• I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

• Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Witty daily quotes

• Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

• Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

• 89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

• “What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

• I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

• The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

• Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

• I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

• So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

• Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Funny daily quotes remind us that while every day may start with good intentions 📅, it usually takes unexpected turns that leave us laughing 🤣. Whether it’s daily frustrations 🚦, hilarious distractions 📱, or awkward social interactions 🗣️, life keeps handing us reasons to chuckle. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that getting through the day often feels like starring in a sitcom 🙃. So embrace the randomness, laugh at the routines, and enjoy the never-ending comedy of daily life 🤪!