New funny daily quotes

• I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

• If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

• At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

• I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

• My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

• I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

• So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

• Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

• Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

• Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Top funny daily quotes

• The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

• The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

• Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

• I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

• My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

• Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

• Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

• I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

• Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

• My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Popular funny daily quotes

• After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

• Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

• When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

• Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

• I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

• Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

• So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

• A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

• Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

• Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

More funny daily quotes

• I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

• The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

• Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

• Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

• Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

• Work beers should be a daily thing.

• Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

• Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

• I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

• Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

Witty daily quotes

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

• No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

• Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

• Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

• Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

• It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

• Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

• I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

• The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

• Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Funny daily quotes remind us that while every day may start with good intentions 📅, it usually takes unexpected turns that leave us laughing 🤣. Whether it’s daily frustrations 🚦, hilarious distractions 📱, or awkward social interactions 🗣️, life keeps handing us reasons to chuckle. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that getting through the day often feels like starring in a sitcom 🙃. So embrace the randomness, laugh at the routines, and enjoy the never-ending comedy of daily life 🤪!