New funny days quotes

• A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

• Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

• According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

• Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

• Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

• Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

• Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

• Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

• I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

• People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Top funny days quotes

• Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

• Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

• You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

• Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

• Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

• People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

• Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

• Please twerk; I have just days left.

• I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

• I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Popular funny days quotes

• Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

• The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

• Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

• The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

• Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

• Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

• Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

• Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

• Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

• I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

More funny days quotes

• I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

• You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

• These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

• How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

• It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

• Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

• THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

• Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

• Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

• Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Witty days quotes

• Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

• I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

• I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

• I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

• I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

• I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

• November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

• You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

• The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

• If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Funny days quotes remind us that while every day starts fresh 🌞, it usually turns into its own little comedy show 🤣. Whether it’s a day full of mini-disasters 🚧, awkward encounters 🗣️, or random wins 🏆, no two days are ever quite the same. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said “what a day!” — and meant it in the most ridiculous way possible 🙃. So embrace the ups and downs, laugh at the madness, and enjoy the comedy of your days 🤪!