50+ Funny Days Quotes That Prove Every Day Has Its Own Brand Of Ridiculous

New funny days quotes

• You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

• Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

• Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

• People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

• Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

• Please twerk; I have just days left.

• I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

• I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

• Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

• The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Top funny days quotes

• Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

• The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

• Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

• Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

• Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

• Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

• Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

• I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

• I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

• You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Popular funny days quotes

• These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

• How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

• It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

• Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

• THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

• Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

• Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

• Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

• Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

• I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

More funny days quotes

• I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

• I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

• I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

• I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

• November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

• You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

• The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

• If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

• The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

• Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Witty days quotes

• I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

• I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

• Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

• Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

• Your call is very important to us, here’s six days of irritating music.

• Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

• These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

• Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

• If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

• I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Funny days quotes remind us that while every day starts fresh 🌞, it usually turns into its own little comedy show 🤣. Whether it’s a day full of mini-disasters 🚧, awkward encounters 🗣️, or random wins 🏆, no two days are ever quite the same. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said “what a day!” — and meant it in the most ridiculous way possible 🙃. So embrace the ups and downs, laugh at the madness, and enjoy the comedy of your days 🤪!