Funny diet quotes highlight the hilarious struggle between wanting to be healthy 🥗 and wanting to eat everything in sight 🍕. From starting “on Monday” (every week) 🙃 to negotiating with yourself over one tiny cheat snack 🤪, dieting is full of comedy gold 😂. These quotes capture the daily battle of self-control, cravings, and the never-ending search for the perfect “miracle” diet. Get ready to laugh at how dieting always seems much easier in theory than in practice 😄!
New funny diet quotes
- Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.
- Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.
- Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.
- I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?
- Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.
- I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”
- Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.
- Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.
- It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.
- Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.
Top funny diet quotes
- The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.
- Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.
- I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.
- Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.
- The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.
- How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.
- I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.
- Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?
- Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.
- I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.
Popular funny diet quotes
- Ctrl Alt delete my fat.
- If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.
- Never eat more than you can lift.
- Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.
- I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
- Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.
- I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!
- I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
- Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.
- My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.
More funny diet quotes
- Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.
- I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.
- Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
- During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.
- Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.
- I have no beef with vegetarians.
- I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.
- I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.
- Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.
- I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.
Witty diet quotes
- Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.
- When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.
- The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.
- I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.
- I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.
- Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!
- If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.
- Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?
- Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
- I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.
Funny diet quotes remind us that while diets sound simple on paper 📄, real life usually has other plans 🍩. Whether it’s emotional eating, portion size denial, or the “this doesn’t count if no one sees me” rule 🤣, dieting comes with plenty of funny moments. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever celebrated sticking to a diet by immediately breaking it 🙃. So embrace the struggle, laugh at the cravings, and enjoy the comedy that comes with every diet attempt 🤪!