New funny dog quotes

• Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

• I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

• When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

• Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

• Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

• You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

• “You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

• If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

• Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

• I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Top funny dog quotes

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

• The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

• They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

• Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

• Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

• You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

• Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

• Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

• Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

• I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Popular funny dog quotes

• The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

• I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

• Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

• Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

• If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

• In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

• Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

• My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

• Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

• My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

More funny dog quotes

• Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

• Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

• Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

• My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

• Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

• When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

• People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

• My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

• I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Witty dog quotes

• There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

• Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

• Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

• When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

• Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

• I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

• Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

• Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

• Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

• You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Funny dog quotes remind us that while dogs are loyal companions 🐾, they’re also masters of accidental comedy 😂. Whether it’s barking at invisible threats 🐕‍🦺, stealing your spot on the couch 🛋️, or pulling ridiculous stunts for treats 🍪, dogs deliver nonstop entertainment 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who believes that life is always better with a little dog-induced chaos 🙃. So scratch those bellies, toss the tennis ball, and enjoy the endless comedy of living with a dog 🤪!