50+ Funny Dog Quotes That Prove Man’s Best Friend Is A Comedic Genius

New funny dog quotes

• Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

• If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

• In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

• Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

• My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

• Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

• My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

• Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

• Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

• Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Top funny dog quotes

• My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

• Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

• When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

• People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

• My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

• I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

• There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

• Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

• Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Popular funny dog quotes

• When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

• Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

• I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

• Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

• Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

• Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

• You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

• If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

• I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

• Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

More funny dog quotes

• All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

• It was me, I let the dogs out.

• Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

• I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

• Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

• Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

• My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

• All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

• Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

• What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Witty dog quotes

• Family guy is so insane, because why were people dating that dog?

• I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

• Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

• Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

• I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

• My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

• I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

• My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

• Tell your dog I said woof woof.

• The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Funny dog quotes remind us that while dogs are loyal companions 🐾, they’re also masters of accidental comedy 😂. Whether it’s barking at invisible threats 🐕‍🦺, stealing your spot on the couch 🛋️, or pulling ridiculous stunts for treats 🍪, dogs deliver nonstop entertainment 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who believes that life is always better with a little dog-induced chaos 🙃. So scratch those bellies, toss the tennis ball, and enjoy the endless comedy of living with a dog 🤪!