149 funny dog quotes - Wordgag

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

May 24, 2026

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

May 24, 2026

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

May 24, 2026

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

May 24, 2026

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

May 24, 2026

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

May 24, 2026

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

May 24, 2026

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

May 23, 2026

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

May 23, 2026

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

May 23, 2026

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

May 23, 2026

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

May 23, 2026

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

May 23, 2026

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

May 23, 2026

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

May 23, 2026

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

May 23, 2026

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

May 23, 2026

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

May 23, 2026

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

May 23, 2026

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

May 23, 2026

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

May 23, 2026

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

May 23, 2026

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

May 23, 2026

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

May 23, 2026

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

May 23, 2026

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

May 23, 2026

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

May 23, 2026

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

May 22, 2026

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

May 22, 2026

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

May 22, 2026

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

May 22, 2026

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

May 22, 2026

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

May 22, 2026

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

May 22, 2026

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

May 22, 2026

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

May 22, 2026

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

May 22, 2026

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

May 22, 2026

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

May 22, 2026

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

May 22, 2026