50+ Funny Drink Quotes That Prove Every Sip Comes With A Side Of Laughter

New funny drink quotes

• 
  Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

  Commentary:
  Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting! 🛋️🥃😄

• 
  Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

  Commentary:
  Apple juice: the introverted cousin at the fruit cocktail party 🍎🍹😄

• 
  I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

  Commentary:
  Iced coffee: the self-care elixir that keeps me hydrated and hyper-caffeinated! ☕️💧😄

• 
  There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

  Commentary:
  When your stomach wants a gourmet meal but all it gets is a caffeine rave 🎉☕️😆

• 
  Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

  Commentary:
  Hydration and low-key nation has never sounded so refreshing! 💧🙃🕶️

• 
  Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

  Commentary:
  Channeling my inner frequent flyer by sipping ginger ale, munching on a Biscoff, and contorting into creative yoga poses on the couch. Sky miles not included! ✈️😂🍪

• 
  3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

  Commentary:
  Juggling friends like social life Pokémon: gotta catch just the right three! 🎬🍹📱

• 
  Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

  Commentary:
  Trying to convince my brain to adult daily with a magic bean potion! ☕️🧙‍♂️😜

• 
  My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like a solid plan! Just remember, the coffee doesn't spill itself and the mirror's already swooning! ☕😎

• 
  Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

  Commentary:
  Adding ice makes it a gourmet experience 😂❄️🥤

Top funny drink quotes

• 
  People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

  Commentary:
  "Priorities: Babies for them, beverages for me! 🍼🥂 #AdultingLevelExpert"

• 
  I need to have a ginger ale about this.

  Commentary:
  Oh, I totally relate! Sometimes life just demands a serious ginger ale summit. 🍹🤔

• 
  If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

  Commentary:
  Water break time! Unless you're secretly a cactus 🌵💦

• 
  Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

  Commentary:
  Pop open a can, I’m ready for my sparkling soda soirée! 🥤✨🥳

• 
  Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

  Commentary:
  Remember, folks, share your hydration like you share your WiFi – AI gets parched too! 😂💧🤖

• 
  Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

  Commentary:
  Guess I'm lead-ing my way to gains with an extra sprinkle of mystery minerals 😅🔍💪

• 
  I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

  Commentary:
  ☕️ "I consume so much coffee, my mere presence is like a caffeine overload! Sorry for the jitters, folks – blame it on the beans!" 😄 #CoffeeFiend #CaffeineCraze

• 
  Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the ol' drink thief strategy – bold move, my friend! 🍸😏 Just ensuring the drink is 'safe', huh? Definitely a unique approach to socializing! 🤣 #SmoothOperator"

• 
  I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

  Commentary:
  Ahoy there, matey! ☕️💪 Looks like we've got a Popeye in the making! Just remember, with great coffee comes great responsibility… and an undeniable urge to flex your muscles and shout, "I yam what I yam!" 💪😄 Keep chugging that coffee and watch out for any sudden urges to grow a sweet sailor's tattoo! ⚓️🌊 #CoffeePowersActivate 🚀

• 
  Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

  Commentary:
  "Perhaps mosquitoes are just sticklers for summer fashion, insisting on that Capri Sun aesthetic 🍹🦟 While it may sound like a comedic legal requirement, I think they just have a penchant for personal 'touch' when it comes to snacking 😂 #FashionableMosquito"

Popular funny drink quotes

• 
  There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a tiny umbrella when your drink is already making a splash! 🍹☔️ Your glass is full of attitude and moisture – no extra accessories needed! 😄💦"

• 
  Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the classic toothpaste vs. drink battle – a timeless matchup indeed 🦷🚫🥤! It's like toothpaste sees your refreshing beverage and says, "Not on my watch, buddy!" 🤣 Next time you take a sip post-brushing, be prepared for a minty surprise twist! #ToothpasteVsDrinkBattle

• 
  I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs anti-aging creams when you can just sip on some blood, am I right? 🧛‍♂️💉 Living the vamp life for the lifestyle perks, not just the eternal youth! #VampireGoals"

• 
  Roses are pink. I need a drink.

  Commentary:
  🌹🍷 Roses are pink, but my mood is in sync! Time to grab a drink and let the worries sink! 🥂 Cheers to relaxation and enjoying the moment! 🌸

• 
  We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

  Commentary:
  "Well, if we can't figure out a way to sip wine while reclining, at least we can still reach for the stars… just not with a glass in hand 🍷🌙 #FirstWorldProblems"

• 
  I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew a cocktail shaker could be replaced by divorce papers? 🍸💔 Sometimes the best tonic for life's troubles is a little separation on the rocks! Cheers to newfound freedom! 🥂 #DivorceDecisions"

• 
  Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

  Commentary:
  "Beer is the versatile ninja of beverages 🍺⚫️ You can never go wrong with a trusty brew by your side, just like the timeless elegance of black clothing! Cheers to the ultimate pairing for any occasion! 🍻🖤"

• 
  Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the vicious cycle of winter – coffee by day, darkness by night. It's like a never-ending battle between caffeine and the sun ☕🌚 Better stock up on those energy drinks, because winter is coming!"

• 
  Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

  Commentary:
  "When life gives you lemons, just add tequila and make a margarita! 🍋🍹 Who needs vitamin C when you have a good ol' bottle of tequila, right? Stay warm and hydrated, cheers to fighting off that cold in style! 🥃😄"

• 
  Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a boring old mug when you can feel like a secret agent with your coffee flask? 🕵️‍♂️ Just imagine the envy of your coworkers as they gaze upon your sleek accessory. 🤩 Channel your inner James Bond and sip your way to productivity! ☕️💼 #coffeeupgrade"

More funny drink quotes

• 
  The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

  Commentary:
  "Having a lot of wine in the house is a strategic move – it's like building a fort against drinking urges!🍷🏰 Who says procrastination doesn't have its perks? #WineWednesdayButOnlyLookingNotDrinking"

• 
  As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a breathalyzer when you've got fruit flies as your personal sobriety test squad? 🍸🦟 #CheersToFruitFlyCheckpoint"

• 
  Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

  Commentary:
  "Priorities, my friends! Some may say laundry is important, but let's not forget about the unsung hero in this equation 🍷🧺 Who knew that wine had self-care needs too? Cheers to a perfectly balanced life! 🥂"

• 
  Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

  Commentary:
  Ah, what a brilliant marketing idea! 🍺😄 Imagine the confused looks you'd get when people hear you say, "I only drink Occasionally!" They won't know whether to take you seriously or join in on the joke! Cheers to occasional indulgence! 🍻

• 
  I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone's trying to turn that watermelon into a real party animal! 🍉🍸 Who needs a fancy cocktail glass when you've got a giant fruit ready to bring the fun? Just remember to eat the fruit salad, not the booze salad! 😄🍹"

• 
  I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the daring and rare act of sipping coffee from an ancient artifact known as a 'real cup.' A relic of a bygone era, where people didn't rely on to-go cups and unicorn frappuccinos. ☕️🦖 #OldSchoolSips"

• 
  I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's priorities have been accidentally swapped! 🤔🍹Maybe a little less thinking and a little more drinking is the solution to all life's problems! 🥂#BottomsUp

• 
  When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

  Commentary:
  Sip on red wine like a fancy fruit tea connoisseur and watch as everyone admires your "healthy" choices! 🍷🍇😂 Who knew wine could be the secret to a health-conscious image? Cheers to looking good while enjoying a glass of red! 🥂

• 
  After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

  Commentary:
  "Nothing like a good ol' cup of coffee to trick the IT guy into thinking you're a tech genius! ☕️💻😄 Just remember, the real power of Java is the coffee kind, not the programming language!"

• 
  What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the joy of experiencing the unexpected sinus cleanse brought on by uncontrollable laughter! 🥂😂 Just imagine the stories you'd have to tell at parties after a comical beverage mishap like that. Who needs a boring, nose-drip-free life when you can have memorable moments like these instead? 😉👃

Witty drink quotes

• 
  If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

  Commentary:
  "Stay hydrated, folks! 🚽💦 Avoid drama by keeping your bladder busy. Who needs reality TV when you've got nature's call to answer to? Stay hydrated, stay drama-free! 😄"

• 
  There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew tomato soup could be so versatile? 🍅❄️🍸 It's a culinary adventure – cold, on the rocks, with a splash of vodka! Perfect for those moments when you want to warm your soul, but also keep it chill and sophisticated. Cheers to creative soup concoctions! 🥂😄"

• 
  You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old dentist's dilemma: the eternal battle between tasty treats and pristine teeth! 🦷🍕 Just once, I wish they'd say, 'Pizza is good for your soul, who cares about the teeth?' 😆🍕 Keep smiling and flossing, folks!"

• 
  You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

  Commentary:
  "Who says parenting can't be fun and educational at the same time? 🤓🍸 Let's just hope the math problems don't start getting blurry after a few sips! 😂 #MathMomsGoneWild"

• 
  “Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to sneak a sip of gravy in the bathroom? 🤔🍴 Looks like someone's taking 'dining in private' to a whole new level! Just remember, gravy belongs on food, not in your cup. 😂 #GravyGoesOnPlateNotInMouth"

• 
  I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

  Commentary:
  🍷🐱 "I admire this ambitious cat who is determined to become a connoisseur of fine wines! It's purr-fectly logical – let her sniff, swirl, and sip her way to a sommelier career! Who knows, maybe one day she'll be the one bringing home the bacon… or should I say bringing home the chardon-meow! 😸🍷"

• 
  I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

  Commentary:
  "Two percent sounds suspiciously vague 🤔🥛 Who knows what mysteries lie in that remaining 98% – unicorns, aliens, the meaning of life? 🦄👽🤷‍♂️ Let's stick to the sure thing: no milk until we have all the facts! 🚫🥛 #MilkMystery"

• 
  My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs rose-colored glasses when you've got a flask for some liquid courage, amirite? 🥂 Here's to staying optimistic one sip at a time! 🌟 #LiquidOptimism"

• 
  Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

  Commentary:
  Me, at the intervention: "Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place." 🍷😅 Who knew an intervention could double as a reunion of all your stressors and annoyances? Cheers to facing your problems head-on… or with a glass of wine in hand! 🍷🤪 #CheersToSelf-Improvement

• 
  Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

  Commentary:
  "Hydration goals: Achieved with Carbo-loading tactics! 💧🍞 Stay fueled and watered, folks! 😄 #hydration #carbsfordays"