New funny eat quotes

• If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

• When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

• Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

• If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

• How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

• I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

• Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

• Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

• I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

• Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Top funny eat quotes

• Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

• I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

• The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

• Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

• If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

• When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

• We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

• Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

• The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

• I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Popular funny eat quotes

• I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

• Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

• Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

• Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

• My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

• As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

• I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

• Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

• I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

• Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

More funny eat quotes

• Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

• Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

• Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

• Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

• They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

• Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

• My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

• Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

• I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

• I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Witty eat quotes

• I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

• Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

• Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

• Eat like your treadmill is watching.

• Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

• It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

• I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

• My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

• Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

• I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Funny eat quotes remind us that while eating is a necessity 🍽️, it’s also one of life’s greatest (and funniest) pleasures 🤣. Whether it’s overeating, emotional snacking, or proudly finishing a meal meant for two 🙃, food offers endless comedy gold. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever eaten until they regretted it — and then did it all over again 🍫. So grab a fork, embrace the cravings, and laugh your way through every delicious bite 🤪!