50+ Funny Friendship Quotes That Prove Your Besties Are Your Personal Comedians

New funny friendship quotes

• 
  No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

  Commentary:
  Ah yes, the classic case of Mistake Stockholm Syndrome! Can't quit those nostalgic mishaps 😂🔄👯‍♂️

• 
  It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the social media version of survival of the silliest! 😂🤪 #TrueFriendsTest

• 
  The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

  Commentary:
  That's why they're always striking up a conversation! 🎳😂💬

• 
  If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

  Commentary:
  The highest form of bromance: sharing pizza crumbs and a 6 train. 🍕🐀🚇

• 
  Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

  Commentary:
  Job applications would be so much easier if you could just "buy one, get one free" with your bestie! 🛍️👯‍♀️💼

• 
  It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

  Commentary:
  When your soulmate is just a Wi-Fi connection and twelve time zones away 😂🌍💕

• 
  Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

  Commentary:
  After a 6-hour research session, we're officially qualified judges… of absolutely nothing! 👩‍⚖️🤷‍♀️🕵️‍♂️

• 
  I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

  Commentary:
  "Friends who build pillow forts together, stay together 🏰😂🛌"

• 
  Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

  Commentary:
  Unfriending already planned in case of hilarious oversharing 😂📜🔏

• 
  There will be people in your life that say you have too many books. Those are not your people.

  Commentary:
  When someone says you have too many books, just bookmark that moment as the beginning of a plot twist. 📚😂

Top funny friendship quotes

• 
  Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

  Commentary:
  Guess my chin hair decided it's time for a family reunion! 😂🪒👋

• 
  Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

  Commentary:
  When your friend knows way too much about your collection of rare potato chips 🍟😆 #TrueFriendGoals

• 
  I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

  Commentary:
  When life gives you déjà vu, bring a shovel and a strong opinion! 🐴💀🤣

• 
  Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

  Commentary:
  Peanut butter is my true soulmate; bread is just the third wheel! 🥜❤️🍞

• 
  Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, the classic 'friends with benefits package!' 😂🙈 #FriendzoneGoals"

• 
  Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

  Commentary:
  Just when you think you've unlocked all the character backstory, they hit you with a surprise DLC! 🤯🎮🤣

• 
  So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

  Commentary:
  When words fail, my silence game is on point 😄🤐🔇

• 
  I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

  Commentary:
  Sounds like downloading a large file on dial-up internet 😂⏳📂

• 
  You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

  Commentary:
  Even if I forget to feed 'em once or twice… unconditional fluffiness for the win! 🐾😂

• 
  It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

  Commentary:
  My friendships are measured in snacks per hour, not just giggles per minute! 🍕🍟😋

Popular funny friendship quotes

• 
  Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

  Commentary:
  "Big shoutout to my exclusive fan club, population: 2! 🎉 Just me and my other personality, keeping the friendship strong! 🤝 Who needs a squad when you have a dynamic duo, am I right? 😂 #FriendshipGoals"

• 
  I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a gym membership when you can just strategically choose your squad? 🤔 Surround yourself with all the snacks – I mean friends, and voilà, instant weight loss illusion! 😂🍰 #SquadGoals"

• 
  Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

  Commentary:
  "Best friends are like undercover agents willingly exposing themselves to the madness 😜🕵️‍♂️ No matter how many crazy antics you pull, they've got your back – and maybe a straightjacket just in case! 🤪🤝 #FriendshipGoals"

• 
  Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

  Commentary:
  "Solid advice in a breakfast crisis – stay close to your friend's tasty toast 🍞 and keep a safe distance from your enemy's potentially sabotaging toaster! 🔥😄 #BreakfastStrategies"

• 
  If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the kind offer of providing absolutely nothing when you need it the most! 🤣 Just remember, I excel in the art of doing nothing, so count on me for no help at all! 😉 #HelpfulByBeingUseless

• 
  “You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

  Commentary:
  "Oh, just chilling with the best company ever – myself! Can't disappoint me, can't annoy me, can't steal my fries… Winning at life! 🕺🏼🤣 #JustMeMyselfAndI"

• 
  One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a personal stylist when you have a friend like this? The ultimate fashion statement: Pajamas-chic! 💁‍♀️💤 #NoJudgmentZone"

• 
  Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

  Commentary:
  "Feeling like the true MVP when your friend's mom holds you up as the shining beacon of responsibility and success 💪🏼🌟 Just call me the model citizen, setting the bar high for all the other mere mortals out there! 😂 #FlexedToTheMax"

• 
  You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a gym membership when you have a friend like this? 🤪💪 Let the insanity begin – fitness boot camp or just a wild ride, you decide! 🏋️‍♂️😜 #CertifiedCrazyTrainer"

• 
  You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

  Commentary:
  "Sounds like you're ready to take the 'mug' in 'mugshot' a bit too literally! 🤪📸 Time to show the world our 'arresting' personalities, eh? 😂 #UnhingedAndProud"

More funny friendship quotes

• 
  I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

  Commentary:
  "Hey there, I'm like a virtual support group – hear to 'like' all your problems and make you feel validated! 🤗💬 Remember, you're not alone in this hilarious mess we call life! 🙌😂"

• 
  Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

  Commentary:
  Looks like your imaginary friend ghosted you in the most imaginary way possible! 👻📝 Time to find a new pal who will stick with you through thick and thin (or thin air)! 😂

• 
  Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the modern-day 'I'm here for you, but also conveniently ghosting you' reassurance! 😆📱 Don't worry, I'm just a few unanswered calls away from reaching out…eventually! ⏳💬"

• 
  Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

  Commentary:
  "Stick with me and brace yourself for a rollercoaster ride – straight to the land of questionable decisions and detours! 🎢😅 Buckle up, you're in for a wild (and possibly questionable) adventure! 🤣"

• 
  Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like ET is in for a treat! 👽🎁 Who knew extraterrestrial hospitality involved gift baskets? Hope they come in peace, or at least with some intergalactic snacks!" 😄🌌

• 
  If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the geometric gossip of trust issues! 🤔 If you're not in the inner sanctum, you might find yourself wandering in the wilderness of suspicion shapes. 🔺🔲 Better start practicing your angles if you want to be part of the circle! 😉"

• 
  Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

  Commentary:
  Gandalf: "Frodo, you must embark on a perilous quest to destroy the One Ring and save Middle-earth."
  Frodo: "Sounds great, but can Samwise plant some herbs along the way?" 🧙‍♂️🌱
  It seems even the bravest heroes need to make sure their garden is in order before setting off on an epic adventure!

• 
  If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'I’ll get back to you at my leisure' move 🕰️😆. It’s like a slow-motion version of phone tag, where the ball is always in their court… or maybe just in their pocket! 📱😂 Don’t worry, I'm pretty sure snails move faster than their response time! 🐌 #OnMyOwnTime"

• 
  If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

  Commentary:
  Well, well, well, if you find yourself twiddling your thumbs when you're flying solo, maybe it's time to have a heart-to-heart with your own reflection! 🤔🔍 Remember, the best company you can keep is with yourself – unless you happen to be a ghost whisperer! 👻😜

• 
  If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

  Commentary:
  "Keeping friends close and enemies at arm's length, just in case you need a good head squishing mime act! 🤏👤😂#SquishSquadGoals"

Witty friendship quotes

• 
  Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the art of lorebombing, where exchanging life updates with a new friend in your thirties feels like sharing episodes from a TV series you both somehow missed! 📚🤝 It's like trying to binge-watch several seasons at once just to keep up with each other's 'plot twists'! #ThirtiesTales"

• 
  I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, those magical beings who turn our shyness into confetti and our awkwardness into a disco ball! 🎉💃 Who needs social anxiety when you've got charming individuals who make you strut like a peacock on the red carpet? 💁‍♂️ Embrace the forgetful bliss of being in the presence of extroverted unicorns! 🦄✨ #GoodbyeShyness #HelloConfidence"

• 
  Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

  Commentary:
  🔍🤔 Ah, the elusive creatures known as "I'll always be there for you" enthusiasts! 🦄🌈 If you happen to stumble upon them, let me know so we can gather some scientific data on these rare beings! 😂🔎

• 
  I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

  Commentary:
  Looks like I need to brush up on my air quote etiquette! 😅✌️

• 
  Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

  Commentary:
  "Plot twist: your friends are just really worried about your extensive snack collection 🍔🍕 #InterventionOrNah"

• 
  Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

  Commentary:
  It seems like there's no middle ground when it comes to frolicking with you! 🤣🕺 Whether it's a chaotic dance party or an intense rivalry, you always bring that extra flair to the situation! 💥 Let's hope everyone can keep up with your energetic frolicking style! 🌟

• 
  Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the joys of human relationships. 🤣 Just when you think you've met that special someone, they make you consider extreme measures. 💔🔪 Remember, it's all part of life's rollercoaster ride… or crime thriller novel! 😜 #RelationshipDrama"

• 
  Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, don't try to buddy up with bison – they're not looking to expand their social circle! 🐃✋ Better to let them roam in peace and avoid any awkward hoofshakes. 😉 #FriendzonedByBison"

• 
  I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'Facebook friend request from a high school acquaintance-turned-senior citizen' dilemma. 😂 It's like a blast from the past meets a glimpse into the future! 👴🚀 #TimeFliesWhenYou'reAcceptingFriendRequests"

• 
  Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

  Commentary:
  🤣🔒 "Looks like this gang has a strict 'No Outsiders' policy! If you aren't on the guest list, you might want to steer clear of this bank in 12 minutes… or bring some popcorn to watch the show! 💰💸 #GangGoals"